Unworthy for Regifting

Well, the majority of those gifting holidays have passed yet again, and we have noticed that some particularly heinous stuff has hit the thrift stores.  We figure the recipients took one look at it all, and decided it was too awful to even wrap up and present again.  Of course considering the age of some of these, they procrastinated quite a long time before driving through the drop-off lane at the local charity shop, but hey, they got it done, right?

Take this handy-dandy item:

They had to tell you both on the inside and the outside of the box, that it is the “ideal gift”.  I am not sure who they are trying to convince, themselves or the customer.  Actually, it looks like there isn’t a nut in the world that could stand up to those iron jaws, and if you were a squirrel, it just might make the perfect gift list, but for me, I am pretty sure jewelry would top it.  We did like the addendum that it is great for lobster claws.  Guess it could be an all-purpose accessory.  Think how much fun it would be to whip out at the local seafood joint.

We hope this next one was a gag gift:

I am not sure why Cowboys are required to go through so much trouble to smash a bug.  I would just stomp on it with those big old cowboy boot heels.   Plus, if you had a bug of any size at all, say the odd scorpion or giant cockroach, what good is an itty-bitty hammer like that going to do you?  I say make with the sledgehammer, and get it over with.

We pity the new mom gifted with this next gem for the little one’s room:

How in the world do you come up with something nice to say for that?  I don’t care how cute the bear in the basket was.  Of course, that is probably why the basket is empty and the giant lavender, flowered, balloon monstrosity is relegated to the thrift store aisles.  Take the stuffed bear and run, girl!  You could always claim the child threw up on the decoration making it unfit for display.  Yeah, let’s go with that one.

As we walked around, being the gardeners we are, we noticed a few too many slimy things:

Yeah, someone’s snail collection had slithered onto the shelves.  We kept picking them up and moving them to be together, figuring if you wanted one snail, surely you would want more, but we gave up after four.  Here is a situation where someone noticed Mildred had a glass snail.  Surely, she would want another, and another, and another.  Pretty sure that has happened to us all at one time or another.  Why do they never notice the lack of a #1 Barbie on my shelves and take care of that?

These lamps really stumped us:

Obviously, a pair, but how to explain the shades?  Then we looked closer and realized the taller shade was the original one (exact match to the pattern of the base) and the other was a replacement.  Not a huge mystery, EXCEPT, where in the world did they find another nasty gold shade?  Heck, I’ve had trouble finding a clear glass one for a lamp that has broken.  Who knew harvest gold would be that easy to replace?  Of course, the whole thing begs the question: “Why did they replace the gold shade?”  I think I could have been OK with just tossing both and calling it a day.

We actually liked this lamp:

It’s got that whole kitschy ’50s thing going on.  The masts had suffered a little bit of a maelstrom at sea and needed some tweaking, but it looked doable.  We weren’t sure what drunken sailor had done the rigging with what looked like a shoestring, but it too, looked fixable.  Neither of us could see putting this one into port at our homes, as our hubbies might have keelhauled us, but it was fun, and we hope someone took it home to love it.  We were kind of surprised that this one actually made it onto the shelves, as our local Goodwill has developed a whole wake of vultures (I had to look that one up!) who pounce on anything resale-worthy the minute it comes out of the back room.  We are often glad they aren’t too smart.

On the other hand, we know why this fabric was passed along:

We were lucky enough to see it from the wrong side first, as some kind stocker had folded it backwards, but being the gluttons for punishment that we are, we had to go and unfold it.  Sorry.  What could you possibly make out of this that wouldn’t have your fairy godmother rushing to your aid to help you out with your fashion sense?  It seems a bit too scary to even turn into rags, plus polished cotton doesn’t soak up much of anything except, apparently, bad taste.

I guess it does go pretty well with these:

These were 4″ tall for heaven’s sake.  What do you do with them?  I think they should say punch them out, throw them away!  Plus, wildflower casual?  Is that the hippie equivalent of dressing down?  The package was unopened, so I guess we will never know the answer.

OK, one last fun thing.  Deb and I both have a soft spot for paper beads:

We especially like old ones from the ’20s and ’30s, which these weren’t, but we still can admire the time and effort put into enough of these to make an entire purse!

I think it was only the funkiness of the handles that kept one or the other of us giving this a new home.   Well, that and the fact that we are to the point of having to sneak new purses into our respective homes.  Men just can’t understand why you need more than one.  They have had the same wallet for the last 1000 years (and it shows!).

That’s it for this week.  We have a big storm heading for Colorado this weekend, but we are going to brave the rain on Friday to shop, and then hole up for the weekend while it snows on us.  I would ask for pity, but all those folks back east might strangle us!