Oh, my gosh, this week has been nuts for me. I started out thinking I would get most of my work done Monday and have a nice quiet week to get some extra stuff done, like baking and decorating, but some schmuck had to go a bring me twenty-three 30 lb fire extinguishers to service. They actually weigh about 35 lbs apiece and have to be handled multiple times to get done. I’m Tired! I will get them done in plenty of time to spend some time with Deb and her sisters when they get here, but it’s going to be a looong week. Why does work always get in the way of my fun? But hey, at least we have some crazy things to make fun of, so here goes.
Polly want a poinsettia?
Isn’t everyone’s go-to Christmas bird a parrot? I suppose parrots and poinsettias exist in the wild in perfect climactic harmony, but for your average Christmas fan, aren’t you going to choose, say, a turtledove, a cardinal, or in a pinch, a generic bird in a pear tree? Maybe someone, in a fit of creative re-use, stuck a plastic poinsettia blossom on the perch where the hibiscus was missing, but I seriously doubt it. Honestly, it was goofy enough that I might have brought it home, but it just doesn’t fit my aesthetic, at least not this year. When I feel the need to have a luau and a Christmas party at the same time, I will probably be kicking myself.
This entire pile was probably made by the same enterprising crafter:
Or maybe they have execrable taste at the local craft fairs. The snowmen were light bulbs if I remember right, and plastic canvas abounded. We took this last summer, so I have no idea of the prices, and it is probably a good thing, or we would be accusing them of having delusions of grandeur. For the majority of this, just toss it in the free box and hope it goes away. Especially that angel giving Santa the side eye. Just what is she up to? Probably wondering where he keeps the booze to get those super rosy cheeks.
This tree was a very near miss:
I can’t remember for sure if it was of chunks of glass or plastic, but it was pretty sparkly and it had lights inserted into it to light it up. We should have asked for a demonstration. It might be lovely with the lights on, but somehow plopped on that plain white background it just dies a slow sad death. It was a good idea, but some failure in the execution leads to it being on the curb at a yard sale. It was also large and unwieldy for the storage area. I am pretty sure that white background would not stay white in my storage area, as I am pretty clean overall, but a basement is a basement.
Normally we object to these on the grounds of destroying antique or vintage jewelry is not high on our list, but this one gets an A, or maybe and E for exuberance and effort:
And, as a plus, it was mostly made up of plastic beads, and just a few broken bits. so hopefully nothing important died in the process. The lights have been removed for some reason. Maybe they needed them for the tree above, although this one screams for multicolor lights. It’s an unusual shape as well. Normally they are taller and skinnier, but they must have had so many pieces to choose from that they just made it fatter, or this is what fit best in the frame! Either way, it is an unusually chubby tree.
We think this one is trying way too hard:
This is the look the three-year-old gave you when he took the last cookie or broke your favorite vase. There is a history here, and it is not good. On top of all his other problems, some unkind person went and stuck resin ornaments all over his antlers. Now who can sit still for that? And to make it even worse, it looks like he has been doing battle with all of the other reindeer, and came out on the losing end to get his antlers in that condition. Even if his nose lit up, we think Santa would give this guy a side berth.
We have no idea where they were going with this:
Another item we should have taken to the back and plugged in, just to get the full effect of … I am not sure what. Weird color combo, tinsel, glass balls, and it lights up. Well, it has just about the all bases covered, but when you add it all up, it comes to a gigantic fail. OK, maybe not gigantic, as it was only about a foot across. The frosting on the whole cookie is the price. What kind of stuff are they smoking in the back room to price this at $10? It must be some really good s*&t, and I may need some before the end of the holiday season.
Deb tried to made me buy this:
That is a lot of work for an empty Pringles can. They went to all the trouble of emptying it, I mean you had to eat Pringles to get here. [Deb here. Our editor is taking umbrage at the unjustified slander of Pringles. He also likes Hungry Jack potatoes, but I refuse to buy them!!] Just saying a bag of Lays is a better choice. Then they had to clean it up, cut a hole, paste flocked paper on it, and liberally trim with gold braid, and all for what? They balked at the finish line. Not enough plastic angels, goofy reindeer or chubby Santas to fill it up? Tiny bottle brush trees, cheap Korean-made nativities, the choices are endless, and Deb knew I could probably supply them all. But I didn’t. That poor Pringles can will have to sit on the shelf unfulfilled. A life wasted.
Hope you are easing into the holidays gently; take it easy, there is a still a ways to go.