Always and Forever

We are back to full on summer around here, but we have the odd shower here and there, so it is not as bad as it could be. We used to have monsoon weather every August. We had a festival that you had to plan to take an umbrella with you if you were attending any time after 2 p.m., but now not so much, so we enjoy the rain where we can.

If we don’t say it enough, we are very grateful for each and every one of our loyal readers. We love that you take the time out of your day to laugh along with us, and we are even more happy when you take :the time to send us something to make fun of. And here we have a worthy entry sent in just last week:

So according to our reader this little joy was 10 inches tall, and made of 70% polyfoam, 29% PE (whatever that is, but I think I remember hating that in school!) and 1% polyester. They forgot 100% crazy. Heck, you can’t even throw it out when it comes apart, as you luckily have that dratted repair kit. (Look at the last line in the last photo.) Our reader commented that these were supposed to be given to a loved one. I am with her. Hope no one ever loves me that much!

We have never been cosmetic type girls, and this is no exception:

The oh, so NOT decorative lipstick on glitter print. I don’t even think this is appropriate for a salon. It probably sheds too, so think of it as an ad for “Craft Herpes”, as in, once you have glitter, you have it forever, and in very weird places, too.

OK, you need a laugh right about now, correct? Here you go:

No, we don’t know what it is, but it’s funny. It was some sort of figurine thing, covered in fur. We think maybe an Alaska thing, or could be Australia, or perhaps Mars. It has seen a whole lot of things, and they must have been pretty shocking, judging from the expression in those eyes. I don’t know why we didn’t decide we needed it, but it might have had something to do with our respective pets and the probability of it becoming a toy. We don’t think it needs any more trauma in it’s life.

This one teeters on the edge:

I mean, I have seen much worse, and overall it is sort of cute, but not the most useful thing in the world. What do you keep in a pig jar? Candied bacon? Pork rinds? Miss Piggy’s ashes? There seemed to be an entire pig collection that hit this store in the last few weeks, and overall, we have just made fun of them to ourselves, but this one made the cut.

This did not make our nice list, and I think you can see why:

I dare anyone to have ever said this is pretty, so why does it even exist? Did they have five gallons of unused plaster at the end of the day, and a bet to see how hideous it could get? They being said, somewhere along the way, someone had to have made the mold for this. There must have been massive amounts of alcohol involved, didn’t there? Or maybe someone was just taking advantage of the fruit sale down the street to avoid having to mold anything new. Of course, if that were true, it was the oldest wrinkliest fruit ever seen. Probably why it was on sale. We hope this was a VERY limited edition, and they broke the mold after, say, one of them.

Pity the poor child that found these under the tree:

We know why theses were kept “Mint in Box”. Oh no, Granny these are much to nice to play with. I will just store them in the deepest darkest corner of the basement, over here where no light can get to them. EVER. We also have questions about the first two dolls that are marked Before and After. Before and after what? Drinking? Therapy? The murder for hire they committed? I don’t think these ladies are to be trusted, so back into the basement they should go, or just toss them in the landfill and run for your life.

We spend a lot of time wishing we were more talented and could paint some monsters in the various paintings we see. You can’t tell me this wouldn’t be improved by the Creature from the Black Lagoon:

It was fairly good size and in case you can’t tell the cabin was gloriously rendered in “real” logs.

We wish we knew an artist that had this calling, as we could keep them stocked with paintings for the next 500 years, and that is even if they were able to paint a monster a day! If I had even an once of spare time, I might even attempt it myself, but luckily you are all spared that.

Best if we leave you with something pretty:

Neither of us are angel fans, but we really felt the need to give a shout out to the artist on this one, as it was some of the prettiest painting we have seen in a long time. I wish the painting had been done on a little miniature canvas, or a bookmark or something, as I would have snapped it right up. Alas, the angel will have to fly off without us. Or maybe the artist can take up painting monsters?

We hope you are all having a great summer, and in your travels, should you happen upon something too awful for words, you know who to send it to! Thanks for playing along with us.

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3 Responses to Always and Forever

  1. Yvonne Osborne says:

    I wonder if those first items were for gravesite decoration.

    I like your idea of adding monsters to hideous landscapes!

    • kathy & deb says:

      Since they are made with flowers it’s possible. They certainly aren’t that decorative for around the house. I was wondering if they were Valentine’s Day gifts that just didn’t sell (wonder why??) Are you artistically talented? We could ship you a few paintings to practice on! 😉

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