Rock Bottom

Don’t let the post title worry you; we haven’t hit rock bottom, yet. Every time we think we’ve seen the worst thing ever, something else comes along. Probably a good life lesson in there for us. No, the title refers to the strange rock crafts we saw that are as bad as they are peculiar.

Before we start all that, I wanted to share a pretty rare and cool plant picture from my neighbor’s yard:

This is a century plant (agave) which really doesn’t live a century. It usually only flowers once and then dies. This one is about 15 years old, according to my neighbor. If it only blooms once, at least its flowers are worth waiting for! This spike is taller than the ranch house behind it. From a distance, I thought it looked like something out of a Dr. Seuss book. If you can see the stem, it looks sort of like an asparagus stem from the Land of the Giants. Wikipedia lists the plant’s taxonomy, and here’s the pertinent parts:

Order: Asparagales Family: Asparagaceae

I had no idea that agave and asparagus were related at all!

Just look at these look at these flowers:

They were about the size of footballs, or slightly bigger, and the bees were going crazy. It’s been blooming for over a week now, and as long as we don’t have hail or a thunderstorm with wind (I might hang an evil eye bead on the plant), it will probably go for a couple more weeks. I plan to walk by there and enjoy the view while it lasts. I read an article that said the century plant could be a house plant. Could you imagine that huge stalk in your house? I’m impressed that my neighbors have had the agave in their yard through all the cold and snowy winters. It must like being near the wall and in the rock.

Well, hopefully those pictures will build up some goodwill about what I have to show you in the rest of the post. It’s all downhill from here. 😉

I think there is supposed to be another pot on this puppy’s head:

But, who knows? Maybe you’re supposed to plant a flower, or one of those corkscrew rushes in there and enjoy the madness. Even an alyssum would be kind of funny and you could pretend that your clay-pot dog is a poodle with a white top knot. The funniest thing about this dog is that the thrift store priced it at $12.99 and it was gone the next week. I suppose that there are $13 worth of pots in there if you could get them apart, or maybe someone just really liked it.

I sure hope a kid made this for his mommy’s desk:

A paperweight with a clip is always a handy thing to have around, even a strange one like this. I might have liked it more if they had just painted a fun thing on the rock and clothespin, and skipped the shells. It’s just a bit more than weird looking.

OMG, I just realized that this is a bad craft post! Shoot, I should have warned you:

Wow, just wow. Again, I hope a kid painted this for a parent/grandparent. Although the kid elephant looks a little disgruntled that Mama is cuddling a mouse instead of him. I just can’t get over the thick black lines; they are so distracting, which honestly, could be a good thing. These two look like an elephant messed around with a tiger and got mixed results.

I need to take a little craft-fail break here and look at something pretty:

Although my feet would literally make me want to kill myself if I tried to put them into something like this, I can admire the sparklies. They are Jewel Badgley Mischka which I saw advertised for just $109 at Macy’s, so whatever the garage sale seller wanted would probably be a deal. The only issue I can see is that the rhinestones around the ankle strap are gone. Put a slinky dress on, apply some fire-engine red toe nail polish, and you’re already for a night out on the town.

I love buttons and have never seen this set before:

They’re only 39¢ so they are pretty vintage, maybe the 1970s? When I tried to research them, I kept being directed to emergency buttons that you can stick onto your loved one so they can call for help. That tells you these were kind of a fail since Google didn’t know about them; I did wonder how well they worked. Imagine that you’re an office worker in the 1970s and the button pops off at a strategic part of your blouse. Would you trust a stik-on button to preserve your modesty? I think you would be just askin’ for trouble as my mom would say. It only takes a second to sew a button on, and if you’re pressed for time, just use a tiny safety pin until you get home. In a sit-com, the stik-on button would pop off during a meeting and land in front of the boss! Quelle embarrassing!!

There is no avoiding it; I have another rocky craft project:

Although I have to admit that this made us laugh. The idea that you could put a feather and beak on a rock, and voila—it’s a bird, is pretty funny. I can hear Bob Ross in my head talking about painting “happy little trees” while looking at the blobs of green obviously dabbed on with a sponge. Why they didn’t use the sponge for painting leaves is a mystery but I’m pretty amused by rock leaves, too. I really don’t understand the star-shaped holes on the sides. They lead B.H. theorize that they were caused by America Chavez traveling in the Multiverse.

Finally, we’re hoping that this was a required book for a Latin class, or a gag gift for an adult instead of an aspirational goal for a newborn:

It would be a fun book to read for a person taking Latin, along with Winnie the Pooh, but I’m all for not making every book a kid reads be “improving”. I love reading and always have, but if I was required to read when I wasn’t in the mood, say, during my summer vacation, it might have stunted my favorite hobby. I don’t know how parents draw that line between just enough and too much with their kids.

Thanks for reading along. As always, we would love to see what you find at garage sales or thrift stores. Send along a picture and we’ll make fun of it and give you all the credit! Way better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

This entry was posted in Friday Finds and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Rock Bottom

  1. Ivy Perez says:

    Another fun blog! Thank you for my prize, it arrived last week.

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