Well, 2020 just keeps plodding along. We just had to replace the furnace and AC in our rental house. (Do we have AC in our current house, noooo, of course not, and there went any extra money towards it!) and hubby just had to have a bunch of dental work done. Honestly, the hardest part is really that I can’t complain. There are a whole lot of folks in the world who have it much worse, people have lost loved ones to the Covid outbreak, and there are more and more homes being lost in wildfires around the US. Our local wildfire is still making the skies super smoky, and displacing humans and animals. This little fella showed up at my feeder this week:
This is a Steller’s Jay, and they mostly live in the mountains around here. Many animals are fleeing the fire and heading to the plains and into town. We are getting lots of extra deer, mountain birds, mountain lions, and a mama bear and two cubs that have been seen multiple times in the neighborhood. We haven’t spotted the bears yet, as they are hanging around water sources more, but I feel for them. On the gardening front, they will be working on a dam at our local reservoir this fall, and today is the last day we can water anything. Yet another reason to pray for snow! Can you believe I said that? So with all that said, we had better move on to something much more amusing. OK, they might not be amusing, but we can sure make fun of them!
We need some help from the hive mind. What are these scissors for?
At least in the first pic, they look normal, other than the supremely blunt ends, but look at them open:
We can’t figure out if they would really cut anything, and if so, what? Maybe it’s just scissor theater. You know, just the idea of scissors, and you will stay completely safe. You can’t actually cut anything, but that includes yourself, and the three-year-old’s hair that big brother is itching to get at.
We just hate it when we can’t figure something out. We both have a LOT of experience in vintage and antique furniture. We have seen tons of it over the years, but this one had us stumped:
At first glance it looks like an ordinary china cupboard, but let’s take a peek at the side too:
There are so many things wrong with this piece, I barely know where to start. The tin sides were supposed to make it look like a pie safe, but pie safes have tin everywhere, no glass. On closer examination the front crown was added on poorly, and the doors have panels in them that are an entirely different kind of wood. The drawer handles are NOT old, nor are there proper drawer guides to make the drawers work. For the life of me I can not figure out why this Frankenstein’s Monster was cobbled together. It was gone the next week, so some poor schmuck took it home! The Keno Brothers would be appalled, and so were we. We have learned our lessons well, and know better.
Speaking of making things, or at least things that shouldn’t be made:
How desperate for a centerpiece were they? Plastic grapes and jelly jewels glued to a tin bucket? Nothing says fall like a hot glue gun. The only way this could be saved would be to rip off all the grapes and fill if full of chocolate. Heck, you might not even have to pull off the grapes if you brought it out with two bottles of wine to go with the chocolate. (It’s that bad, at least a two-bottler!)
Here is another DIY Don’t
I am thinking this looked really cute on Pinterest, but in execution it failed miserably. The shade is too big, and way too boring. Cut the shade down to half size, make it white and decoupage a bunch of fun coke logos or pictures onto it and you might have something that shouldn’t be tossed straight into the recycling bin. On the bright side, as it stands now, you CAN recycle the bottle, use the lamp cord on something else and toss the shade, and hey almost zero waste, other than the time it took to put together the original.
How about this head scratcher:
Yes, it’s a fabric wall hanging, but why is it a clock, too? There was a real working (well, I supposed it worked at one time or another, not sure now) clock mechanism in this. Not the pendulum part, that is just printed on the fabric. I might have given this a pass if they could have pulled off that engineering feat! Of course the weight of the clock pulled the banner backwards, so that there is no way to make it hang straight unless you nailed the bottom of the banner firmly to the wall, and while you are at it, I think you would need to tack up the top a bit more than that rod it was hanging from. Oh, go ahead and get out the stapler or the nail gun. That is the only way this would work, and even then you would be stuck with holes in the wall and an ugly clock.
A boy and his goose, it’s beautiful thing, or not:
It’s a good thing they have each other, as no one else is going to take these losers home. We are pretty sure this is someone’s ceramics project, and in general we try not to be too mean, but seriously, this needs to be made fun of. Poor kid is cross-eyed, pigeon-toed, and homely. We have no comment on the goose. Heck, the goose might be dinner for all we know. OK, now I feel sorry for the goose.
We are not sure which one of these is goofier:
We are not sure what is up with those elephants. We didn’t know elephants could assume that position, well, without being up to something slightly naughty, that is. The dog looks perplexed, too, although I think the dog looks a brick or two shy of a load, or maybe he is just dropping a load, but that is a pretty odd look even for a dog. Sorry dog people, you know who you are.
There is something fishy going on here too:
We didn’t do this, honest. We found them in this position. I don’t know which one of them looks guiltier, but they are up to something. I am not saying that their plans are nefarious, but perhaps of questionable taste. There might be a whoopie cushion under the next Victorian lady figurine to come their way, or they put salt in the sugar bowl, or … you fill in the blank. Let yourself go, really come up with a doozy. We know they are.
Here’s hoping we can all muddle through the rest of this year in one piece. Stay safe, wear your mask, and try to love one another as best you can.