You Animal!

Well, here we are in a whole new decade.  How did that happen?  We hope all our loyal readers (and even those casual readers!) had a fine holiday season filled with laughter and love.  If you are worried that we are running out of things to write about, never fear, the thrift stores are near, and they are filled to the brim with even more atrocities.  So we will carry on into a new decade with courage and stamina to face the coming hoards (and I meant that spelling!)

Today, we are going to the dogs, and cats, and chickens, and … well, you get it.  For some reason we garnered more kitties, so we will start with the Stepford Cat:

Either it’s been hypnotized, or it wants to do that to you.  No matter what, we think you are in trouble.  That blank stare just can’t be good.  If I remember right this was a bank, but what child would dare to put their pennies in here, and if they did, who would be strong enough to brave the curse and get them back out?  Did the painter just not know what a cat’s eyes really look like, or did plain laziness take over?

At least these felines have eyes:

That is about all you can say in their behalf.  I think they were supposed to be in some sort of bag, or basket; it looks like a bag.  If so, where was that going?  To the nearest river?  Not that it would be a bad thing for the ceramic version, but what sort of hell is that portraying?  Personally, I like the ghastly plaster pine-cone-encrusted log next door, and you can see how bad that is.  All in all, a shelf collapse would be a blessing.  Where is a good earthquake when you need one?

This is the worst of the bunch:

For some reason these horrendous saccharine statuettes have been crawling out of the woodwork recently.  We have seen them in every shape, form and color, woe unto us.  I think mom just told her to put the cat down and clean up her room, cause she looks like she is giving the world at large a good old-fashioned Bronx Cheer.  She better get it done lickety-split, or mom is going to make her wear hoop skirts and roses forever.  We should move this to the imminently collapsing shelf right away.

Just in case you think we only pick on cats, check out the doggie tapestry:

The collie seems to have some sort of facial deformity, and it’s obviously a sweltering day, as they all have their tongues out.  For heaven’s sake, someone go get these poor pooches a bowl of water and stop making them pose for their portrait.  The nasty fringe on the end of this thing is really gilding something, but not a lily in this case.  Not to mention, I hope to never see a home that these colors would enhance!

Still on the dog front:

Pomeranians are the worlds cutest dogs, well, except for Deb’s chihuahua; was there any reason to add the glasses and the beret?  The backpack was not enhanced by the sharpie overuns in the forehead and cheek.  Poor puppy.  The only thing this canine has going for it is being in France, and that is probably just an illusion as well.  He is likely in a studio in Poughkeepsie.  Honest, thrift store some things can just be thrown away.

The sky is falling, the sky is falling:

Well, we wish that it would, and clobber this rooster on the way down.  Actually, we really hope this was some aspiring woodworking tot’s project, because if so, it would get a total pass.  If my kiddo brought it home, I would hang it in the kitchen and grin every time I saw it.  Honestly, it could be worse, but they probably could have left off the googly eye and improved it by leaps and bounds.

Just so you don’t think every animal we see is bad, how about a fuzzy bunny?

In and of itself, this is not really the least bit remarkable, but it bought back some very fond memories of several of these that landed in my childhood Easter baskets.  Mine were nodders on top of being flocked and glassy, I mean glass-eyed.  I think that this item was a bank as well, and at least there might be hope of getting your spare change back, even under these watchful eyes.

Last up, yet another sign that suits us to a tee:

We are, and proud of it.  You want to really turn us off a yard sale?  List it as having “No Junk”.  What that means is that it is really full of crap that they put new prices on.  Seriously, the more junk you have the happier we are to come see it!  We don’t even spell it with a Q.  You can keep your Junque, and let us scrounge through the rest.  That’s where all the good stuff is!  We are already pining for garages sales, so spring must be just around the corner, right?

Here’s to another year of junk and giggles.  We hope you will continue to join us!

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