Not So Jolly St. Nick

As I write this, we have just returned from a jaunt to the next state up (WY) simply to go to an estate sale.  Not only did we have to cross state lines, but we did it in the snow.  What can I say, it was a great sale.  Did we take pictures you ask?  No, nary a one; that is how good the sale was!  We had our hands full and were trundling back and forth to our pile of “treasures” setting our stuff in the hold area and toting up the old credit card bill.  Tell you what, next month, after the Christmas shenanigans, we will share some pix of our finds, but for now on to the holiday season with not so Jolly Old Santas.

First up this batch:

We would have bet money they were brand new, as there were so many of them.  They all looked like someone had drug them out of bed too early after a night of bingeing on super rum spiked eggnog.  But, when we turned one over, it had this label:

Usually the Japanese Christmas stuff is super cute, but even at the low bargain price of $1.99 each, we left each and every one of them to climb into their chimneys of shame.  That’ll teach them to imbibe right before their ONE NIGHT of work for the entire year!

On the other hand, maybe Santa is more into this sort of vice:

In this day and age, I can see why this sign made it to the thrift store, as it sort of makes you wince, after you giggle a bit.  Let’s just hope all the bad girls Santa visits are in the same sort of vein of Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, and every good Kringle gets a little thrill from the right lady.

While we are being inappropriate:

OK, we got a really good laugh at this one.  Enough that  it made the lady on the other side of the rack venture around to see what we were chuckling at.  She laughed too.  I don’t know where you wear this shirt, as just about anywhere you go, you could offend someone.  The Elf Guild was really pissed about it.

Maybe this is more along the line of a proper vice:

It’s oddly specific about being organic, and if you are going to get Blitzened do you really care?  Let’s just pass out the good stuff, all get souzzled and really enjoy the holiday for once.  To be honest, we kind of liked this, but who needs a holiday pillow?  (Confession, I have several, but not as many Christmas, as Halloween, and both are pretty stupid to store for 11 months of the year!)  [Deb here:  B.H. want’s to know what Blitzen is winking at?  The word wink is right there by his left eye.  Also, are we to assume that Blitzen ferments his feed and then drinks it?  So many questions.]

We tried to like these:

We failed.  More resin crap.  Sigh.  I would rather see one lovely carved figure, or maybe one made of porcelain than 100 of these poorly painted oil-laden monstrosities.  Let’s just say no to this stuff and put us all our of misery once and for all, and NO, they are not collectible.  I don’t care what the ad said, no one is ever going to want these and pay anything for them.  See above photo for case in point.  Also, if you are wondering, those Beanie Babies aren’t worth anything, either.

We also tried to like this:

We did much better here.  We also tried to figure out which of our respective male companions could be conned into wearing it.  We came to the conclusion that neither of us wanted to be divorced, and I was not ready for my son to run away from home, so we sadly left it for some other much more cajolable male to wear.

This was cute:

But it seemed to us that a few more hours of burning the wick at one end, might make you burn up the whole candle from the outside in.  Those fluffy cotton beards look like a bonfire in the making.  I guess as long as you had some marshmallows and chocolate around, it would not be a total loss.  You notice that whoever owned it before chickened out long before it could get to that point.  No sense of adventure, I guess.

We were subjected to this for several weeks in a row at the local thrift:

We weren’t sure if those oddly snouted reindeer were a totally different breed, or if some aardvarks weren’t crossing the picket line after Santa’s transportation went on strike asking for more of “Blitzen’s Best”.  We also weren’t sure why each animal was dressed as a Vogue “don’t”.  Could it be part of a disguise, or just a clever ruse to get ride of at least four ugly sweaters?  You could always fill it up with peppermint kisses and make it better, but some lout would come along, eat all the goodies, and you would be facing those long nosed mugs again.  We just hope someone came by and broke it, as it did disappear.  If so, they should get the kisses, the peppermint ones, none of Santa’s bad girls live here.

This was a really odd juxtaposition of things:

I’ve seen quite a few of these little Mexican-looking blankets on liquor bottles etc.  I have even been known to snag them for my dolls as they are a pretty good size, but why is Santa on it?  Were they just in the warehouse looking for something to print on and these popped up?  Now that you have a tiny rug printed with Santa in a chair what do you do?  Send it as a Christmas card?  Wrap up a tiny (and I mean REALLY tiny) baby reindeer?  Use it as a holiday drink coaster?  Maybe that’s best, and it might say something about me that I keep coming back to liquor.  Maybe there is a margarita with my name on it somewhere and I had better go find it.

Stay tuned in the next couple of weeks, we have more Christmas and it just wouldn’t be the holiday season without a bad Christmas crafts post, so one of those is in the wings, too.

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