Crabby Estate Salers

Life has been a bit difficult the last few weeks.  I started a new job that insists I work on Fridays.  I tried mightily to explain that it was not my first choice, and yet here I am.  At least I have now gotten fast enough that we are able to hit a few garage sales before I have to show up for work, but it is cramping our style.  I will just have to get a bit better, so we can have a whole morning!  But, that is not only reason for the title of this post.  The title can work on more than one level.  The company that has been doing the amazing sales that we have been posting about seems to be snapping up any and all clients in our town.  That leaves the dregs to one of the other companies that has been a staple of the market for years.  When they do get a sale, it is the most disappointing thing we have ever seen.  Considering that they have been dominating the market for overpriced sales the last few years, it gives us a chuckle to see their comeuppance.

For example, we hit one of their sales a few weeks ago.  We were greeted by this in the hallway:

While being a vaguely interesting piece, I thought it was going to give Deb palpitations hearkening back to her pre-reformed Catholic days.  We hope that they didn’t fill it full of candles and light it, as I think that would be a conflagration waiting to happen in a small private home.  When you can even burn down stone cathedrals (Notre Dame, anyone?) having this in your matchstick house is not to be thought of.  Other than filling it full of candles and taking up space, we could not figure out what earthly use it would be.  I guess, think of it as a sculpture.

Of course, we were pretty sure the homeowner had no taste what-so-ever when we caught sight of the fireplace surround:

What the heck is up with that column?  It was a half column at that.  They couldn’t even afford a whole one to look pretentious with.  Mind you, this a mid-level tract home they added it to.  The entire house was gray and bland.  To be honest, this was the most exciting thing in the house, well, other than the fire waiting to happen in the front hall.  They did have a collection of yarn winding apparatus that was vaguely interesting, see in the fireplace photo, and one other collection:

Huh?  Yes, eggbeaters.  Now, we have to say we did find them amusing, although it would have been a whole lot more fun to talk to the collector about them.  There were even several toy ones that were pretty darn cute, but we couldn’t see a thing that made us need any of them.  We have Kitchen-Aid mixers, and wire whisks.  Egg beating is taken care of.  There were also a couple of these:

We rather liked the green butter churn, but not having a cow, goat, or llama that needs milked, we decided that butter would not be made in our homes.

Well, that was it. Pretty much the entire sale, other than some plain modern furniture.  We groused the entire way around the house and down the road for several miles before we got it out of our system.  We were sure glad we hadn’t hauled our sorry asses out of bed early in the morning to see that!

Luckily, we went on to hit a thrift store or two to find some MUCH more amusing things to share with you.

I am not sure why we didn’t buy this, other than he fact that ARC sometimes prices things a bit high, but we both admitted that we would totally carry this:

Oh, now I remember.  The handles were totally inadequate for the bag, but come on, how funny would it be to have your purse staring at folks?  Of course, it might also be staring at you, and judging you for just how many times you reach in to take that charge card out, so maybe it’s a good thing that we left it there.

Even these cute dolls couldn’t stand the sight of yet more seashell “art”:

They look really worried by it.  I think that they have backed themselves into a corner and are ready to turn and beat a hasty retreat.  One wrong move from that green fish and they are outta here!

Could be worse:

If the figure was running from the ghosts in the “poop” tree, why did he land face down in FRONT of it.  Surely he is not trying to crawl his way INTO the tree?  There are some dolls in the background of this photo that look pretty upset, too.  Except for that redhead that seems to be oblivious to the whole situation.  You can never trust a diva to help you when you are in need.

We found the perfect mate for “Thing“:

Of course, this might be a tiny bit too weird even for the Addams Family.  It was an awful lot of trouble to dress up a clock.  I don’t want to scare you even more, but you have to know that the flower was a light up fiber optic blossom.  We were just glad that the whole thing didn’t work.  There is no way you would get a good night’s sleep with that by your bed.  The only saving grace was that the hand didn’t move, or did it? …

While we are being weird:

No, this is not a shower for your garden gnome; it’s a lamp:

Because nothing says safety like a shower/lamp combination.  This was a homemade job; notice the classy wiring holding the curtain shade in place.  Where do you put this?  The bathroom?  Seems like a bad choice, but is a bedroom any better?  And heaven forbid you put it in the living room and have to explain where every ounce of common sense or taste you ever had has gone.  Maybe it belongs in the same room with the hand/clock thing.  Just put a good lock on the door and never let anyone in there, or just send all that stuff to the thrift store, oh wait, they did.

We were baffled by the following offering:

Is it a bear, a bunny?  She seems to have an identity crisis in progress.  She doesn’t look like she is dressed for Easter, so what is up with those ears?  And yes they were attached to her, even though the photo looks like someone might have been playing a cruel prank.  Does she look depressed about it?  I think so.

Deb loved this next item:

It’s hard to see in the photo, but this majestic elk (not quite life-sized) is all made of barbed wire.  I went to school with several members of this family, so have been familiar with their sculpture work for years, but Deb had never seen any of them.  Cool isn’t it?  Maybe some day, I will get over there and take a better pic for you.

Till then, wish us better luck on the estate sales, and we promise not to grouse too much.

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4 Responses to Crabby Estate Salers

  1. Stephanie Gazell says:

    Bravo! This was hilarious! The green fish thing had me laughing out loud. The poor bear/bunny thing – I wish I could rescue it and somehow make it happy. *sigh*

    • kathy & deb says:

      Sooo glad you enjoyed it. We realized that there was a lot of crazy in this post, but that’s how things work sometimes. We felt sad for the bear-bunny, too. So sad! Have a great weekend and keep cool!

  2. OSS says:

    Grouse away! That’s the fun part, imo. We have many cool sculptures here on our Main Street. Did you gals go there on your trips through here? Hugs!

    • kathy & deb says:

      Well, we do appreciate some snark ourselves; glad you think it’s amusing! No, we didn’t look at Main Street. The good news is that we are going to the last IFDC next summer so we have another chance. Thanks for letting us know. We like to walk around a little after being in the car all day!

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