The Christmas Home Stretch

Well, we are fast skidding headlong into the holidays, and are we ready?  Not really.  Deb ended up going back home to visit her sisters, which was an unexpected pleasure, but as it wasn’t planned too far in advance, it was a mad scramble.  I am wondering how many things she forgot, but she hasn’t fessed up yet.  [Deb here:  I forgot NOTHING!  I can’t believe it either!  B.H. forgot his multi-tool and tweezers, which can be worked around.]  I ended up starting a part-time job (no Friday or Saturday mornings EVER), but someone ended up getting sick, and I was putting in ten-hour days with no warning, and it sort of threw a monkey wrench into my plans, too.  But, the fruit cake is made, the tree is finally decorated, and one of these days, I will get the rest of my presents wrapped. For our loyal readers, we have gathered our Christmas leftovers for the year, so here we go.

Let’s start with the scary stuff:

I have always felt that Raggedy Ann and Andy were a little creepy when done poorly, and boy, do these qualify.  Where is their raggedy hair, and shouldn’t they have triangular noses?  Santa would take one look at these and pass your stocking right by, so better toss them in the fireplace right now, just to be on the safe side.

Here is another item that can go either way depending on who did it:

I’ve seen oodles of Santa mugs that are as cute as can be. Especially the vintage ones made in Japan, but these Chinese knockoffs have got to stop.  I’ve seen worse, but I have seen much, much better too.

I am not sure why this amused us so much.  Probably the groovy graphics on the back:

The fashion dates it better than the box itself.  Remember how cool this was when it first came out?  We rarely used it at our house, as we were busy feeding tinsel to the cats, but if I remember right, when we did have some around, they ate that, too.  Bet that classy gal on the back never had that problem.

Of course, she probably had this in her house too:

We gotta admit, deep down, well, maybe not that far down, we actually like this.  It could probably have been executed a little better, but golly, white pompoms on a cheerful red basket can still make just about anyone smile.  Not sure what you would use it for, but keep it around, fill it full of scented pine cones, and heck, it would get you by in a pinch.

We couldn’t decide if this was handmade or not:

It was pretty large, and somehow, the aesthetics of the whole thing just seem a bit off, but I’ve got say it looked like a whole lot of work from the back:

Maybe if they had left off all the eensy weensy pine cones it would have made more sense, and hopefully that bow started out life more green than washed-out blue.  Maybe it was time to chuck the whole thing in the donation bin as a bad business, but why did you have to inflict it on the rest of us?

Here is another “Strange”:

This looks like Salvador Dali had a Christmas nightmare.  The moon is a bit on the drippy side, and I am thinking that angel is not the tiniest bit happy sitting there. At least the look on her face seems to reflect that.  Add to that, the eternal sin of being avocado green and there is no hope for this at all.  I think Santa would rather fill an old smelly sock than this.  You should skip this stocking altogether and just leave him a nice hot toddy and I bet he would strew a few gifts your way, anyhow.

This felt decor is at least cuter:

I am going to give it cute, but a HUGE pass as it was supposed to decorate the toilet seat.  Nope, not gonna happen.  Please just set a tiny tree on the back of the tank, put out a Christmas hand towel that no one knows what to do with, and call it good.  We thought the “Hi” was a particularly creepy touch.  Gives new meaning to Santa seeing you when you’re awake.

We are also worried about what Santa might have flashed at this deer:

He really looks like he has seen something that can’t be unseen.  Probably the creepy Santa on the toilet got to him, or maybe the one in front of him, as if you look closer, you notice he doesn’t seem to have a face!  Shades of the Halloween slinking in, and not in a good way.  We know why the deer is not in front of this contraption.  It’s the Kon-Tiki of sleighs, and we are not sure how snow worthy the whole thing is.  All in all, as a festive decoration it just doesn’t cut the fruitcake.

On the other hand, even thought it really doesn’t qualify as a Christmas color, let’s hear it for purple trees:

They look sort of forlorn sitting there, but I would have had to redo my entire decorating scheme to use that little tinsel one in back, and I just can’t get into the ceramic type in front, but being purple made it at least a little more bearable than the run of the mill variety of this conifer.  We hope someone else was into having a lavender Christmas and took these home.  What do you all think of that Santa lighthouse?

We also passed on these, as all we really wanted was the camel:

The set was free, but oh my, blow molds are hard to store.  If I was a meaner person I would have just taken the camel, but then who would have kept the baby Jesus and the sheep company?  We were relieved to see someone loading it into their car by the time we left the sale, so it now has a good home, and will bring Christmas cheer or tacky decorating to some other neighborhood for many years to come.

While we are on the subject of tacky, I did promise you a picture of my three aluminum trees.  Here they all in all their ’50s sparkly glory:

I decorated the medium-sized one with most of The Summer Intern’s flamingo ornaments for a pink and fluffy Christmas.  Papa tree is covered in Shiny Bright and other time-appropriate ornaments, and the little baby tree just has some handmade felt ones.  I sometimes do it in all tiny red balls, but just didn’t get that done this year.  After you put up three of these, you know you have been somewhere, as they assemble one branch at a time.  Even worse putting them away, as you have to insert each branch into its protective sleeve.  What aluminum tree fanatics won’t go through!

We wish all our loyal readers a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah, a Festive Kwanzaa, and a bright and cheerful New Year full of joy and happiness!