I’ll start off by reminding folks that we don’t “do” Black Friday. While we have been known to stand in line for hours for the right estate sale, and to brave crowds at such, we refuse to even set foot out of the house on this particular day. Never fear, though, we have a generous backlog of photos just waiting to horrify and delight our loyal readers. Aren’t you glad you are hanging out with us instead of standing in line? No offense to those who are reading this WHILE standing in line!
I am going to start with this, just to get it out of the way:
Sorry, no warning, I just sprang it on you. I figured it was like pulling off a Band-Aid, it only hurts for a moment. OK, maybe this will keep on hurting, but you can always scroll down quickly. I am going to say that in general this tot looks like butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth, but there is no way I am turning my back on her. She is poised to slap that mask on her face, and take out those horses or anything else that gets in her way. There is a Hollywood film in here somewhere, and it is already creeping me out.
We were having a hard time deciding what to make of this:
On the one hand, who doesn’t need more miracles in their life? On the other hand, are you really going to get one from an action figure? The glow-in-the-dark hands sort of put you in mind of an alien invasion, and while turning water in to wine is one heck of a party trick, that tiny little amphora is not even going to give you a mini buzz.
The back of the box is no less mind-boggling than the front:
Thank goodness this is the Deluxe edition, as I really wouldn’t want to be saddled with that tawdry old standard edition. I am not sure what you were supposed to do with this whole thing. I don’t think that your average child is going to get religion from a jug of wine and a plastic figure. Maybe just some vacation Bible school and call it good.
That last item may have driven us to drink:
Luckily we have just the sign for us. Although neither of us is much of a beer drinker, we did get a chuckle out of this, and I am pretty sure I know a household or two that thinks this is really what those drawers are for.
Some things just don’t know when to crawl off and die:
This is an example of that. This silly jug has been sitting at the thrift store for weeks. It’s not horrible enough to be funny and not good enough to get taken home, so it just sits there on the shelves and annoys us. Maybe someone knocked it off this week We pushed it closer to the edge just to help it along. This is one hillbilly that needs to go lick his corn somewhere else. Really, who ever bought this in the first place? If you really want something to hide some hooch in, make it bigger, or just head to the crisper drawer!
Well, if it’s KNOT “Freddie”, WHO is it?
The name was pretty silly, but in the grand scheme of bad crafts, this barely ticks the meter. Actually, in the right place, it could even be sort of cute. The biggest problem with most of these crafts is that the actual execution isn’t nearly as good as the picture on the front. Luckily, this crafter knew her limits and left it safely in the bag.
While we are looking at packaging, take a gander at this:
Lucky man, getting those warm buns presented to him. Not those buns, get your mind out of the gutter. OK, that might be what I really meant, and I don’t know why these strike us as funny. Guess it’s just that whole ’70s presenting the food with your pearls in place to the man of the house. She does look like she is pretty proud of those buns, so hopefully it made for a happy home life. If he had the nerve to say one bad thing about that bread, she probably ripped off the necklace and headed out of the house to go burn her bra with her sister feminists.
We are hoping these were labeled with tongue firmly in cheek:
If any of our loyal readers are avid cockroach racing aficionados, please let us know if this is really a thing. These were spotted at our local creative reuse center, so who knows what they really are. We are definitely giving them kudos for imaginative labeling.
Here we have another example of someone sculpting an animal they have never seen before:
I’ve heard squirrels described as rats with better PR before, but I don’t think these even qualify as prairie dogs. The only giveaway that they are squirrels are the fluffy tails. Guess we can be eternally grateful that the fountain doesn’t work by them spitting or otherwise expelling bodily fluids in some fashion. The whole darn thing probably leaks, too. I am just hoping that is the case, so it will make its way to the dump forthwith.
We kind of have a soft spot for ’50s planters. Well, we did till we saw this:
Seriously, I am thinking you have to hate someone pretty bad to foist this on them. That is one creepy cherub/baby. Maybe the florist mis-ordered these, so every time they had a long distance floral order for a new baby girl they snuck these in hoping they could rid of them to unsuspecting recipients. This little tot might have a secret just like our opening clown. In fact they may come from the same school of homicidal maniacs! I wouldn’t trust either of them.
Here’s hoping your shopping trip was successful, if that is your thing, and if you are lucky enough to spend the day at home relaxing, here’s hoping that is successful, too.