It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Yes, Halloween season is in full swing at our house, so we are happy campers. I saw a post the other day that said, “If money can’t buy happiness, explain Halloween decorations.” That about sums it up. It’s the perfect holiday; you don’t have to buy presents, cook a big meal, or get sappy cards. You only need candy, and if you accidentally eat it all, you can always go get more. Unfortunately, some folks don’t get the holiday, so we have some things that maybe shouldn’t be part of the holiday fun.
We are going to start out slow, but this is your clown warning, so take care as we approach the end of the post.
Overall, this display is pretty cheerful and mostly harmless:
There is a turkey on the 3rd shelf down that looks a bit bewildered, but he will fit right in next month, so no worries. The worst of the lot is the three-high pumpkin stack. Let’s take a closer look:
Again, it doesn’t look too bad till you understand that the areas around the mouths and eyes are lit up. AND they color change. From pink to green to red to purple. Nothing says Halloween like a pumpkin with a clashing pink mouth. Seriously, some plain white lights would have been fine. Just because you can change colors, doesn’t mean you should.
We were actually pretty thankful that we didn’t see this fellow in action:
We assume he does some sort of dance to “I Ain’t Got No … Body”, or “Short People”, or “Bad to the Bone”, you choose, we don’t know. I have no idea where they were going with this, unless there was a plastic shortage, so they left off the legs, or they were making fun of little people, which is just mean. I truly suppose they couldn’t figure out how to make it so he didn’t topple over when he started to dance. In which case, I sometimes have that problem, too, but I’ll keep my legs, thank you.
While we are being insensitive (sorry in advance):
Words fail me. I think I will give them points for using a milk jug as a mask, but after that it has all got to end. I would like to think we have moved beyond that these days, but the ’70s weren’t that long ago, and some folks have no sensitivity at all. All that being said, if you just look at the picture, it should at least make a little giggle come out, after you are done cringing.
We did like this:
It was cute, and would look darling stacked with iced Halloween sugar cookies. Best use of candy corn ever. Paint it on. It can be decorative without anyone EVER having to eat it. Again apologies to those poor misguided souls that think that it is an acceptable use of sugar. If I didn’t have a ton of Halloween serving pieces, this might have come home with me.
On the other hand, I don’t know why you anyone would want this:
For most guys, the hairy ear thing is going to happen soon enough without you pretending to already be there, and most women wouldn’t be caught dead in these. I bet they are not a real big seller for them. I shudder to think of the other things they make. Probably hairy noses, and warts, perhaps some corns for your feet.
We also found this amusing:
We think Linus has been here. I mean where else is the Great Pumpkin going to put all those gifts that he brings when he rises out of the pumpkin patch. It’s awfully cute, but seriously, am I missing something here? Have we started a Halloween stocking tradition and I missed it? Don’t go messing with my “no gifts” part of Halloween, and ruining my whole philosophy of the holiday. I gave this a pass too, as I didn’t want anyone to get the idea that something might appear in it.
I have to admit that I am more on the cute side of Halloween than the flat-out gory or scary. I prefer to get the little kids at my door, and I really don’t want to scar them for life. Some of the new decorations that jump out at you should be banned on general principles, and this should definitely go away forever:
At least they are not pretending this clown is cute, but if you don’t want to pay for your kid’s psychotherapy, just leave this at the store where you found it. If you made that thing drop down from the ceiling, everyone who got near it would pass out from fright or have a major coronary.
While we are at it, this is pretty creepy:
Things climbing up the outside of your house are pretty terrifying, and it might be even creepier from the inside, but when they try to make you do this, I draw the line:
Oh, no, no, a thousand times NO. Emphatically No, did I say NO? See above for paying for the therapist. If you weren’t afraid of clowns before, this will put you right over the edge. AND, God forbid you should stumble into the house drunk and get a load of this. On the other hand, it might make someone swear off the booze forever, but I think it is a bit drastic.
I believe Deb mentioned our editor’s fascination with tiny hats, so we have a couple more entries into that category (now that I have ruined clowns forever for you). First up:
Seems to me like a tiny tie to go with the tiny hat would have been more fun. Once you have purchased this, I am not sure what you go as, a rainbow cowboy used car salesman?
This one took me a minute to figure out where I had seen it before:
Of course, it’s Goofy!, well it is goofy, yes, but also Goofy with a capital G. The rest of the costume might be a big hard to scare up, but at least you have your ears … and your tiny hat.
We want to wish all you little Ghouls and Goblins a Very Merry Halloween!