Ah yes, the joys of Spring in Colorado. We are going on two days straight of rain, and not to whine, but we have now had over two inches of it. Don’t get me wrong, “but we need the moisture” is Colorado’s unofficial motto, and we had a pretty dry Winter. We really do need it, but I just wish Mother Nature could dole it out in smaller parcels. Say a half to three-quarter inches at a time, instead of giving it to us all in one batch and then forgetting to rain for the next two months. Add to that, I am going on week three of shopping on my own while Deb is gallivanting around with her family. Yep, call me grumpy. I may be crabby, but I do have a batch of things to either make you irritable too, or make you laugh; hopefully the latter.
Brace yourself; we start off with scary art:
From head on , it looks like it might be a kinda cute seal or something. The sideways view is a bit creepier:
We think it is supposed to be some sort of mask, but I am thinking it was just a waste of raw materials. I would expect the eyes to start glowing around midnight, and then what kind of fresh hell would start after that is anybody’s guess. If you picked this up at the thrift store, be prepared for the scary music to start in the back ground. Listen to the audience and put it down!
Next up, a couple of craft fails:
The concept of these bed dolls eludes me. What is wrong with a teddy bear on your bed? Who wants these faded belles hanging around? This one has a rather bad case of jaundice to go with her other problems. Nothing like old cheap plastic to turn yellow at the drop of a slowly falling hat, but at least her face matches her golden hair and dress. If red is not your color, how about a nice bride?
Well, she isn’t yellow. On the other hand, I think she is wearing an ENTIRE skein of yarn on that dress. As Deb says, “it has one of everything, except taste”. It might even take up enough space to make your dog go find another place to sleep, or he might just eat it, make a tummy sacrifice, and hope for a more elegant replacement.
While we are talking dogs: poodle candle, anyone?
This canine was almost a foot tall, so that is some candle. While the design isn’t too horrid, what happens as you burn it? It would take you years to go through a candle this size (unless you took aim at it with a flamethrower!) and in the meantime you would feel like the worst sort of felon as you tortured this poor pooch to death. Melting head, eyes and nose, flashback to the melting faces scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Yep, stuff of nightmares.
On the other hand, we can all be happy with a little DDT in our yards:
Tell me, does this woman look just a teensy bit maniacally joyful as she has at those bugs on the roses? I’m a gardener and I get it, but still, I wouldn’t turn my back on her. She may be a Stepford Wife as well, for all we know. Maybe moving is the only option.
I probably should give you a break and show you something fun:
This was a near thing to me bringing it home. It says Kitsch with a capital K in all the best ways. It’s large, shiny, and lights up. What more could you want? Although, I do understand there were some of these that were heaters too. It had one sail loose and they wanted $30, so it saved me from an embarrassing conversation with my hubby, and figuring out a way to sell it again. I think I could probably succumb to a collection of TV lamps, but they are large, so it’s not a good idea, and how many TVs would you need to display them? I have enough trouble getting the family away from the boob tube, plus these days, there is not a lot of room on top of them!
Protected in the same case as the TV lamp, I spotted this:
Really? I would have slapped that puppy out on the shelves, loosened a pin, and hoped the whole thing collapsed in a fortunate heap. Fifteen dollars seems a bit much to pay for lead poisoning as well. If you were not very good at making wine, this might be the set for you. Your guests would be blinded by the glitter and might not notice the vinegar in their cup. Better yet, go buy some cheap wine, put it in a nice glass and pass this by.
A couple of weeks ago, Deb showed off an odd poodle planter, and we were told by a loyal reader that it was a sample, and would have been painted to order. We are not sure if this is the same thing, but even if it is a sample, why would you start off pink?
For the dad that “got stuck” with a little girl and was really hoping for a chip of the old block to play for Notre Dame? It is a pink footballer, check out the side view for confirmation:
Pink helmet, check, pink football, check. Do you fill it with pink plastic flowers, use your teams colors, or plant ivy and hope it covers the whole thing up?
Thought I would leave you with one more sort of cute:
It’s a nice tea towel, but why they felt the need to frame it is beyond us. After 1959, it’s not very useful, and it is not that decorative. I love towels like this, as I have zero guilt using them, and they are usually super nice linen. The thrift store decided it was an antique and priced it accordingly, so it stayed there.
The Summer Intern has developed a raging case of Senioritis (he graduates this year) and is using a rainy day as an excuse to stay home. Heck, I may just let him get away with it, as I don’t want to go out in the rain either. I see another cup of tea in my future!
We have a giveaway going on with three vintage cooking pamphlets. If you’re interested in entering the contest, leave a comment on this post or Facebook. The drawing will be in a week.