It’s time once again for our annual Valentine’s post, or what not to get your sweetie, unless you would like to sleep on the couch! We have each been married for 30 plus years, so we know what we are talking about. And to be honest, we are both not that picky. There are some pretty weird things that would make us happy, and our respective hubbies know what they are. Lucky for them!
Here is an entire shelf of misses:
Other than being pink or red, most of this stuff does not read as Valentine’s wares. The one heart box on the bottom shelf was empty, so it had better get packed up with jewelry or chocolate, and then it could pass. Still, I am thinking that the pink teapot, or a stack of pink plates just isn’t going to cut it. I will give the vases passing grades if they are filled with flowers, but really, this time of year, your money could be better spent on a single rose and put the rest towards a nice dinner. Whatever you do, DON’T give your significant other a pink piggy bank. Too many messages here. You’re fat, and you spend too much money. Surefire road to the doghouse.
Speaking of mixed messages:
I am not sure where these shorts are headed, but they could go dreadfully wrong pretty easily. The hearts are fine, but do we really want to know what your Valentine does that makes you hop? I am thinking it could be something contagious, and we just don’t want to go there. Presenting yourself in the altogether might be a safer choice.
Unless you are decorating a VERY large gym for a Valentine’s Dance, these are probably a no go:
They didn’t open, so couldn’t be stuffed with chocolate, and they didn’t light up, which would still be tacky, but at least a little more amusing. No they were just pink and white large puffy plastic hearts. They wouldn’t even float, as there were small holes in the bottom, so you couldn’t even use them to throw your Valentine a lifeline. Nope, they just used up some petroleum for no good reason.
We also spotted this:
I suppose if you were really desperate, you could stuff these in one of those red or pink vases, and call it a bouquet, but it pretty much says you went to the dollar store and this was the only thing they had with hearts on it. At least it is sparkly and there is no way your Valentine could ignore it. That might not be a good thing!
We spent far too much time examining this:
The hearts were movable due to Velcro, so you could stick them just about anywhere on the doll. We are not sure whether crazy customers, the staff, or the previous owner chose these spots. The back side has a different message:
I guess the point is supposed to be, you choose the appropriate message and Velcro the hearts in the right spot, then send to your sweetie? I think this could get you into all sorts of trouble, if the placement is misinterpreted. Or maybe this is like a regular Voodoo doll where you try and get your heart’s desire from afar. I bet Velcro won’t make it stick. Marie Laveau insists on pins.
We were not sure if this was a Valentine thing, but it was there with the rest, and there are roses involved:
So far, so good. Just another fairly odd homemade doll. Perhaps for a little girl on Valentine’s Day. Or maybe not:
WTF? They made her on a tortilla warmer! This would put me off my fajitas right from the get-go. For heaven’s sake wrap them in a towel, eat them cold, something besides this. If you need someone to sit on your tortillas, you had better invest in a microwave and save us all the anguish.
This shelf had a few choices that were a bit better:
Except for maybe that white owl. He looks like he has already had a bit too much from the red champagne flutes. Candles are OK when presented with a lovely dinner, a cup for some morning java in bed, or a cute frame to put a treasured memory in. Maybe skip the kisses-blowing cherub, but overall there are some ideas here. All we ask is that you don’t give this:
Nobody is going is going to forgive this. EVER. The designer of this must have just come off a bad breakup, and wanted the whole world to be as miserable as he was. The amazing thing was that we saw this at a thrift store. Someone bought it … once. Move over, Big Dog!
Here’s hoping that your chosen sweetheart knows what makes you happy, and gives it to you. Make sure you do the same! Happy Valentine’s Day from the Second Hand Roses!