Here Comes the Bridezilla

We have both been very busy recently tending to our respective yards, lawns, and gardens.  Just when you think all your spring work is done, here comes summer, and you have to move into heat proofing and watering.  On top of that, we are leaving for a trip to a convention in Las Vegas.  Yes, for those of you on the road between Colorado and Nevada, watch out, the Second Hand Roses will be on the loose.  All I am trying to do right now is make up a decent excuse as to why June is almost over, and we have just about managed to forget our annual tribute to wedded bliss.  Fear not, we did save some photos all year, and remembered in the nick of time to share them with you.  So here is a look at some not-so-fabulous wedding fails.

I think I will start with these:

Table Decorations?OK, I get the whole DIY wedding thing.  In fact I am a big fan of it.  I was doing DIY before it was a thing.  Oodles of things for my wedding came from my own hands, including making my veil and dying my own shoes.  But I did leave off torturing innocent Mason jars.  I honestly think you could have left the glitter in the bottle and just plopped a candle in the middle of each reception table and been farther ahead.  We are not sure if the glitter ones came from the same wedding as the lace and burlap ones, but if they did, maybe you should have given the bridesmaids more complete instructions rather than just decorate the jars to put candles in.  I still think I would rather see a jar liked this filled with pickles, but I guess I grew up canning, not wondering what to do with those old jars.

I am hoping this was a DIY thing, too:

20160419_103739.jpgI think it was supposed to be the guest book.  The only thing that made sense to me was that the bride drug two wedding cake toppers home for the groom to make a choice, and then decided that taking the reject back was too much work, so opted to decorate the wooden guest book with it.  I am not sure it even opened far enough, what with all the 3-D decorations, to even get your hand in there too sign it.  Probably why it ended up empty and unused at the thrift store.

These might have been DIY, but they are definite winners:

Bridal Party Wine GlassesIt might be a trifle difficult to take that first drink out of them, but think how cute they would look on the reception table.

We also thought that this was delightful:

Asian Wedding Photo albumIt was very elegant and way more tasteful than the bride-covered book.  I am not sure how well it would match most brides’ colors and themes, but maybe they should work on that.  Fewer burlap bedecked jars and more cranes.  Sadly, this also was unused.  Of course, if it had been like most of us, the bride in question had good intentions of filling out that wedding book, adding all the photos, and making a lifelong memory book to hand down to her grandchildren.  The divorce was final before that could happen.

We were a little on the fence about this one:

Honey comb bridal dressOn the one hand, hey, it is a honeycomb table decoration, so what’s not to like?  On the other hand, we are hoping they only used it for the shower, not with the cake or on the reception table.  Seems like a bit much, and not as formal as it could be.  We also hope the groom didn’t look as much like Barbie’s Ken as this one does.  At least he looks happy about the whole thing, so there is a win.

We can’t tell if this group is happy or not:

Wedding TrollsSeriously?  Wedding trolls?  I just don’t know where to go with this.   My dolls have been brides more times than I can count, but somehow the troll under the bridge doesn’t strike me as the marrying kind.  He will probably break your heart when the next goat clip-clops by.  As these were still in their boxes, we figure some poor “happy couple” got them as a gag gift.  We totally forgive the speed at which (we hope) they were deposited at the thrift store.

No bridal post would be complete without one of our pet peeves.  When children marry:

When Children MarryDeb hates these with a passion.  Maybe because there are so many of them.  Seriously, children: grow up.  I think they both look like they are asking a higher power how they got into this mess.  If you don’t know, sweetie, don’t stroll down that aisle, no matter how cute you think he is!  On the other hand, if you turned them back to back, it could look like they are both making a run for it.  Maybe we should do that the next time we see a pair in this predicament.

I have always worried about making your four year-old niece precede you and scatter rose petals.  Seems a lot to ask for a youngster.  It is even worse when you ask her to carry this:

When Doves CryThat is one HONKING big basket, so there must have been a whole lot of roses sacrificed, and it had to be pretty darn heavy.  We are also worried about the fact that the doves seems to be arguing over who gets to carry the rings:

When Doves Cry detailsI don’t know who has a better grip, but it looks to me like neither one is letting go soon.  Maybe we have this all wrong, and it was filled with delightful wedding favors.  I am holding out for candied almonds, or I am taking my gift and going home.  For the right item, I could probably pretend I don’t see the unlove birds.

I spotted these last two at a local thrift earlier in the month.  Just in time for the bride that forgot to order her bouquets.

20160616_143548.jpgAll they needed was a battery pack and a little bit of fiber optics to go as far over the top as you can get and still be within earth’s atmosphere.  Thank goodness they came in those wonderful plastic boxes to preserve them for posterity.  I was trying to decide if they came from the same wedding, as it seems like a rather odd combination of colors, but I suppose every brideazilla gets her say.

We send best wishes to any new brides out there this month, and we hope everything you did was tasteful, and decorative, or you know where you will see it next year!  Don’t forget to subscribe to our blog, like us on Facebook, or just share what you see with your friends.  We love new readers!

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2 Responses to Here Comes the Bridezilla

  1. Wedding Trolls?! Funny. Is the fellow with the blue hair wearing a tuxedo?

    “He will probably break your heart when the next goat clip-clops by.”

    Fabulous line!

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