Bad Santa, and Mrs. Claus Isn’t Very Good Either

The season is quickly winding down, the lists have all (mostly) been checked, the cookies made (and way too many of them eaten), the house is as decorated as it is going to be, and I finally have a tiny minute for myself, so I decided to share it with you!  Oh, yeah, and it was my turn to write a post!

We had at the angels and general decorations last week, so this time it is Santa’s turn, and maybe a hit or two on Mrs. Claus, plus those over-caffeinated deer that pull his sleigh.  (They must be on something to fly that high!)

First up we have a twofer:

Mr and Mrs Claus PlatesBoth Santa and the Mrs. are un-flatteringly represented here.  We are pretty sure this predates a Pinterest fail, but those old craft books were the forerunners, so we know there were massive fails back then too.  The only plus back then was that no one posted it on the web for the world to see.  Mrs. Claus looks pretty ticked about something.  We think Santa had one too many eggnogs, and tracked reindeer poop in the house on her freshly waxed floor.  Could you not just be happy to use these innocent plates for cookies, as God intended?

Speaking of reindeer:

Oh Poop!You tell me what this fellow just did.  Yep, that’s right, there is the poop for Santa to track across the floors.  I have to admit to rather liking this guy, but the expression cracked us up so much, that we never ventured any closer.  I almost wish I had; then again, it was probably better that way.

While we are examining the wildlife, check out Rudy the GREEN-nosed reindeer:

Rudolph the Green Nose ReindeerWhat the heck?  Was there some buyer in China with bad case of color blindness?  The seller on the other end just yelled “Hooray, I just dumped those twelve cases of green noses!” and happily cashed the check.  On top of that, he seems to be dressed in a union suit:

Rudolph the Green Nose Reindeer in a Santa Suit or flannel pajamasIt even has the back door flappy thing, or how would that tail be sticking out?  The whole thing is wrong on so many levels.  We were happy that the batteries were missing, so we have no idea what other heinous acts he might have committed.

About the only kudos we are giving out regarding this next item are for persistence:

Mrs Claus is made from magazines and cotton balls!Someone spent HOURS folding book pages to get Mrs. Claus to put on that much weight.  She looks surprised by the whole thing.  Guess you would be too if you were made out of a book and trimmed with cotton balls.

Being crafty is not just for the womenfolk—here, Santa gets his due:

Santa Head made from Bleach bottleOverall, this is not the worst thing I have ever seen, but it gets funnier when you see what it is made out of:

Santa Head Bleach bottle backsideYes, Clorox is not just for cleaning your clothes and sanitizing your home.  Now, that pesky empty bottle can be made into a festive decoration with just minutes of your time and an entire skein of yarn.  If I were really ambitious, I would dig through my Christmas craft pamphlets, and I bet I could come up with the instructions—maybe next year.  As for the actual craft, maybe the recycling bin is the right spot for that bottle.

We were amazed by this Santa:

Santa CandleAt first we thought it was just one of those ubiquitous mold blown decorations, as it is about two feet tall.  On closer inspection we found the wick:

Santa Candle WickReally, this is just about the biggest candle we have ever seen. He’s not a very cute Santa, and just think about how disturbing it would be if you actually burned it.  There Santa would be standing half burned away.  How are you ever going to explain that to your children’s therapist?

I have to admit to liking these candles:

Santa SticksThey are pretty cute.  I actually have a set on my table right now, and I have burned them.  They only bother me a bit as you go through the face area, but we avert our eyes, and keep them away from the summer intern.  Well, actually being 16, he thinks it is pretty funny when you light Santa on fire.

Here is another Santa with a problem:

Santa Needs a Liver TransplantThese have about the worst case of jaundice I have ever seen.  I can come up with all sorts of terribly inappropriate things to say about them, but I think I will just call it quits with really ugly, cheap, commercial decorations.  I would rather have the bookish Mrs. Claus, and the bleach bottle.  We were pretty sure we knew why the store had all the overstock.

Here, Santa has been pressed into service in a whole new way:

Santa Metal Christmas StandLike the man has nothing to do at Christmas time but sit around and hold up your tree?  Don’t you know this guy is BUSY?  I can’t tell if he is resigned to his fate, or is eyeballing the cat that just climbed the tree and wondering if he is up to the task of keeping the conifer upright.  On the other hand, he was darn heavy, so he had a fighting chance, but it’s a lot of fuss and bother, when you are just going to put on a tree skirt.

You all know our love for vintage packaging:

Tinsel HappinessHere we have some bright, exciting, (it says so on the package) tinsel garland.  Apparently, she was so excited by it that she is contemplating using it as a weave for her holiday hair-do.  Or maybe she is pulling it out of her head, like a growing-hair doll.  That is almost scarier.  All I know is that there is no such thing as tinsel anything that my feline won’t try to eat, so we never use it.  Thank goodness, I would hate to have to try to pull that out of my head.

If you didn’t see the video of my aluminum tree on Facebook, here is a link.

Hope you enjoyed the holiday offerings, and we want to wish all of you a safe and happy holiday spent with friends and family!

vintage-christmas-postcard-with-wishes

 

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8 Responses to Bad Santa, and Mrs. Claus Isn’t Very Good Either

  1. tkarengold says:

    Thank you for another year of laughs. Wishing the two of you (and the summer intern) a wonderful holiday!
    Terri

    • kathy & deb says:

      Thank you Terri! We wish the world was more about sharing the laughter. Hope your holidays are full of joy! Kathy and Deb

  2. Barbara says:

    What a great Christmas Santa Story.

  3. Steph Gazell says:

    Thank you – I giggled through the whole thing! Inspired, I’d say! Happy Holidays to you both! ❤ ❤ ❤

  4. Hope your Christmas was warm and happy!

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