Taking the Cake

We just realized that it is June, and yet again, time to wonder what the bridal industry has been trying to put over on hapless would-be wives.  How else do you explain the plethora of ridiculous choices out there?  We gather them all year, and for some reason, I noticed that this year, the cake toppers were in abundance.  So, we will mash a few wedding cake “don’ts” into the bride’s face, and hope that she came to her senses before they actually were added to that multi-tiered frosted marvel.

We know why this is still in the box.  There is not enough pink frosting in the world to pull this off.  The cake might have been better off with a couple of real doves perching on it, even with the accompanying mess:

When doves cryCan you imagine the dress that would have had to compete with this?  Sorry for that mental picture.

We often wonder why it seems appropriate for the bride and groom to be children:

When Creepy Children MarryIt always strikes us as a bit creepy, and I suppose this was not really a cake topper.  Even if you took it as a couple of kids playing dress up, those rosy, blushing cheeks make you wonder what they have been up to.  Glad they weren’t dressed up as a doctor and nurse.

If you are more partial to a Western theme, here we have the cowboy kids tying the knot:

When Cowboy Children MarryThis wedding had to be good; at least they remembered to put the horseshoe the right way up to hold in all the luck.  This even comes with the top layer of cake built right in.  Takes the idea of the wedding cake tasting like cardboard to a whole new level!

The bride may have actually used this cake topper, but when the marriage hit the skids, she “fixed” it:

Headless HusbandThe best of both worlds: keep the dancing partner, lose that annoying head.

This pair may not have actually graced a cake, but they at least they deserve each other, instead of messing up TWO couples:

Ummm, I don't!Talk about your Zombie Bunnies.  The carrot patch is no place to be tonight.  Shudder.  If I were that owl next door, I would be looking at them sideways too.

Here is a cake topper that is just sort of odd.  I really think it was just a last-minute purchase.  They keep them by the cash registers to grab as you go out the door.  The generic slap-it-on-a-cake top.  Honey, give it up; just a couple of subtle frosting roses will do fine.  I think this is another one that the bridesmaids were able to talk her out of using.  Thank goodness!

Weird Cake TopperHere we have the whole cake for your delectation:

Why are your attendants so tiny?It’s for the giants’ wedding.  They were only able to find puny human attendants, but wasn’t it clever of the cake decorator to find proper replicas?  This pile of pink might be right at home with the doves from above perched on it.  Of course then it would be giant doves and puny humans.

While we are speaking of cakes, check out this one:

Is it a cake, a hat ...At first we thought it was a hat.  I have no idea why that popped into our head, as it is pretty darn silly as a chapeau.  What is it really?  Why it’s a box for all those cards filled with money for the greedy, I mean happy, couple.  They had grand thoughts about the quantity of cards.  I guess it looked cute on the reception table, but people probably were standing in the wrong line to get cake.  How could a real confectionery compete with that many ribbon roses?

So you understand how weird we can be, both Deb and I thought this was the least objectionable couple of the bunch:

Looks like there'll be some boning tonightI could see this on either of our cakes, especially at our ages, if our mutual hubbies were ever crazy enough to let us have another wedding cake.

OK, we liked these two as well:

Paper doll Bride and GroomBut what’s not to like?  Paper dolls for your reception table.  And doesn’t the groom look like your “Mystery Date“? Plus for some reason, I am a sucker for honeycomb paper anything.

For all those taking the plunge this June, we wish you all the best, and none of the rest!  Plus, if you attend a wedding with a crazy cake topper, snap a pic and send it to us, we’ll make fun of it next June!


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4 Responses to Taking the Cake

  1. The honeycomb bride looks a little distant… like perhaps she took a couple of Valium before the ceremony? Heck, maybe she forgot that the groom is standing behind her?

  2. Andrea says:

    Great post! Hilarious once again. I really do like the skeletons though. If I knew then, what I know now….

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