Turn on the Dark, I’m Afraid of the Light

Spring has sprung and we’re getting anxious for garage sale season to start–the sooner the better.  Our thrift store finds have taken a turn towards the extremely weird and we blame it on city-wide insanity brought on by cabin fever.  Turns out things are weird everywhere because I’ve seen some strange stuff in Florida, also.

Let’s do some Colorado first.  I wish there were someone who could explain this:

70s bad furnitureIt’s a fake wood door off a piece of that awful, cheap 1970s Spanish colonial style furniture.  How dreadful, right down to the rusty piece of crushed velvet!  It might work as a frame for some outrageously ugly piece of polyester fabric, a big ol’ 1970s mustache, a hideous pair of platform shoes, or even an 8-track tape.  But then you would have to look at it on the wall, so maybe not.  It needs to be in the Museum of Bad Taste or a dumpster–your choice.

Speaking of awful ’70s style, I think this poor dear fits right in that discussion:

in that awful 1970 Spanish colonial style   doll face close up

She is just medium bad until you get to the head.  There is a serious hot mess going on up there.  Her hat is one of those crocheted snowflakes with roses attached.  I think she is winking just to let you know the whole ensemble is a joke or she has just finished off a pitcher of margaritas.  She is still on the same thrift store shelf after a month, and we worry she’ll never find a forever home.

Wouldn’t you think that when you’re setting up displays in thrift stores, you would pair things that complement each other?  We’re not sure who thought this lamp went on this end table:

Where do we start with this lamp and table?

The end table was orange with a tropical thing going on with palm trees behind the faked turned pieces “wood” glued to the door.  The lamp is bronze and funky; it needs a table equally as funky to make it look like it would fit in an eclectically-styled home (and please give it a new shade!)  There’s no hope for that table; it just needs to be sanded down and repainted.

This isn’t necessarily bad, just odd:

Milk glass candy dish candle holder?

It’s one of those milk-glass candy dishes, but what’s with the candle holder added on top?  If you put large candles in it, the whole shebang could tip over–that would be a real live hot mess!

Speaking of candles, we are always amazed by all the candles we see that can’t be lit:

Candles for people pathologically frightened by flame

We call them, “Candles for those poor people pathologically frightened of open flames.”  Are we supposed to light the porcelain wick?  You can’t even turn on a battery-powered flame to make it look like a real-fake candle!

This isn’t bad, far from it, just unusual:

Aunt Jemima Pancake moldIt’s a pancake mold that is shaped like an Aunt Jemima syrup bottle.  The handle is folded up inside the mold.  It took us a minute to figure out what it was and then we gave ourselves a well-deserved head slap–it was pretty obvious.

It’s hard to believe that this purse is commercially made, but it is:

Commercially made purseIt’s diamond-shaped pieces of fake leather, fake-embossed with designs, crocheted together with cream thread.  If that weren’t weird enough, it had yellowish fake leather handles.  Uff da, how did this ever get made?

These are so poorly and unimaginatively made that they are a waste of pottery or resin (I can’t remember which):

3D Asian themed plates

Anyone have a shotgun?  Just say the word (it’s “pull” in case you didn’t know)  and I’ll be happy to whip them up into the air if you promise to hit them.

This might be one of my favorite finds in a while even though it’s pretty strange too:

Sneeze like an Egyptian

It had me singing, “Blow like an Egyptian” for the rest of the day; sorry, Bangles.  It’s almost as bad as those Easter Island head tissue boxes.  

First day in Florida and my mom and I saw this lamp at a thrift store:

Drinking seems like a reasonable response to this lamp

We’re not sure if it’s the lamp they’re on, or even the couch next to it, which is causing all the decorative angst.  Those are some big old jugs of hooch they’re sipping from.  Hopefully the contents can bring on forgetfulness, as well as dulling the pain.

This is for my beloved husband:

Tiny Hats

He loves to find tiny hats in our posts and there was a whole bin of them at the flea market.  That’s my big ol’ finger at the bottom to show you just how tiny they were.  I think normal-sized people must wear them because of the big clips attached.  Not sure what kind of group would wear those teeny-tiny hats or why.

I stopped to look at the salt and pepper holder (green arrow), but we were all shocked at the skeletal rudeness on display.  I’m not a prude, but I blurred some of the bad words and gestures:

Extremely rude flea market booth

If you’re going to hang a sign like “A**holes Garage” at least do it right–it’s bad enough you’re proclaiming that you’re an a-hole, don’t be a bad speller too!  The chip and dip skeleton table obviously doesn’t want to share since it’s flipping the whole world off.

Just to take the taste of all that badness out of your mouth:

Bo

Here’s a picture of my parents’ puppy, Bo.  He’s called a Teddy Bear which is a cross between a shih-tzu and a bichon frise.  He’s only seven months old and adorable!

Thanks for reading.  I’m heading out to a bunch of garage sales tomorrow and Saturday with family.  I’m hoping for lots of good and a little bad just for your sake.

 

 

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12 Responses to Turn on the Dark, I’m Afraid of the Light

  1. lyn lewis says:

    those weeny hats would be ideal for a dolls house club, they coulkd use each one as base to make jazzy hats for their d/h peoples! Maybe they are hen party tat???
    Don’t know about the skeleton bits, had to laugh at the bizarre owl too to the right!

    • kathy & deb says:

      We did wonder later if the tiny hats were for a people in a doll/doll house club. They would be perfect! I didn’t even notice the owl until you said that–those awful skulls had me mesmerized! Thanks for reading, Lyn.

  2. I’m actually drawn to the orange sofa. I really like the color and the huge print.

  3. giarte says:

    i hate 70s spanish style! it always reminds me of velvet matador paintings.
    oh, by the way, the pancake mold is mrs. butterworth.

    • kathy & deb says:

      If you had a living room full of that fake Spanish style furniture, you certainly would need a big old velvet painting over the couch! 😉

  4. tkarengold says:

    I’m thinking the tiny hats are worn at group gatherings as ID tags or something like that. Now, regarding the Egyptian thing. I didn’t realize the dark area was an opening for a tissue. It looked like Hitler’s mustache. Shoulda left the lights off.

    • kathy & deb says:

      My husband also said the same thing about poor Tut–he asked why he had a Hitler mustache. Good idea about the tiny hats–probably what they were used for. I agree, being in the light is sometimes more frightening than the dark.

  5. I am intrigued by the tiny hats. I think I need one or two for the chickens (of course, they would not be thrilled with hats). And as far as the doll at the beginning of the post… personally, I think she fell into the koi pond after her 6th gin and tonic at a garden club luncheon. (At least that is the running commentary my brain has going on at the moment.) She is desperately hoping that her garden is going to be selected for the upcoming garden tour and to calm her nerves, she headed to the bar. Unfortunately, she didn’t know when to say when.

    • kathy & deb says:

      Sorry Connie, the flea market is only Tuesday and Thursdays! Wish I had bought a couple just for fun! Yeah, that poor little doll sure looked like she was 4 sheets to the wind, at least! Could you imagine how tacky her garden might be?

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