Friday Fabric Follies

We like textiles, really, we do.  We both have the linen closets, boxes, and baskets full  to prove it.  We carry home orphan linens of all sorts.  We can’t stand to see a home-made doily languishing at a sale for a quarter.  We are in a dead heat to see who is going to win the Most Fabric Ever award.  Vintage fabric, especially, finds its way to our hearts and homes, BUT there is a limit.  This week we present a few textile terrors.

The home knitter/crocheter is frequently responsible for some yarn snafus.  I guess this scarf would be fabulous, if you were caught in an avalanche:

They would see you comingThey could see it glowing under at least 12 feet of snow, and if you were carrying the bag at the same time, there is no way anyone could lose you.  To be honest, this pair is much worse together than they would be apart, but still.

I just found this craft booklet that sort of describes the whole worst that could go wrong with a craft thing:

Let's Crochet Wrong

Well, you have to at least the guy credit; he is trying to make it all work.  Someone should take that crochet hook away from her before she strikes again.  I am not sure how much faith I have in the booklet, if that is what is on the cover.  Frankly, I am afraid to open it.  (You know we will, and it will probably be featured in a future crazy craft pattern issue.)

For this item, we really can’t blame the fabric; it’s just fine.  But who decided that sewing shells to a pillow would be a good thing?

Shelly Pillow CoversAll I can say is “ouch”.  Not a very relaxing afternoon nap.  Even the cat wouldn’t risk this spot, and if a human laid his weary head here, he would wake up with the oddest nap lines ever seen.  Try pretending you were cleaning the house and not dozing on the sofa with this around.

At least the shells were unintended torture.  This pillow makes no bones about the fact that you are supposed to suffer (click on the picture to get a good look):

Pillow of nails

I kid you not, this is a pillow, and they are proud of it:

See--pillow of nailsThere is a serious website, and they insist this is a relaxing acupressure pillow.  I am sorry, but surely no one is that nuts?  I guess your basic Yogi could do it, but they walk on hot coals too.  The proud recipient of this gift took one look at it and promptly sent it, and the thumbscrews, off to the thrift store.

We spotted these pillows from the entry to the store.  At least it seemed that way:

Dayglo yellow pillowsOh my, they are yellow, and if that doesn’t get you, notice the lovely gold splotches all over them.Dayglo pillow closeupThe camera was not in the mood to capture the truly blinding yellow, but it did give you a glimpse of the delightful pattern.  Again, we actually like yellow, but zowee!  Even as an accent, they sort of seem to warn you about men at work and potholes up ahead.  They might even do a better job filling potholes, as you could really see them, even at night, and manage to avoid losing your Volkswagen Beetle in one..

Gotta admit to loving this next fashion “do”.  These gloves were the “cat’s meow” in their day:

Blinged out leather glovesI feel classy and chic just writing about them!  Must have been some outfit they set off.  Oscar party worthy, we hope.  Don’t you sometimes wish they could talk and tell you the real story?  It might be a disappointment, but I bet, most of the time, it would be a winner.

Deb and I have both reached that “certain age” where we have no patience for silly footwear.  In light of Deb’s recent foot surgery, doubly so.  We think the same nut responsible for the bed of nails designed shoes shaped like this:

Toe tortureThey don’t even have the excuse of being pretty.  To actually get your foot to fit in them, you are going to have to buy 3 sizes too big, and there is no woman on the face of this planet who EVER says, “gee, my feet look small, think I will go find some clown shoes.”  OK, I may have to retract that, because the woman in this next portrait might:

Wax lips!The quote claims that she wore the smiling wax lips during her worst moods so her friends wouldn’t have to suffer too.  I am almost certain she is fooling herself, as we suffered horrifically in response to this picture.  I am rather disturbed just seeing it again.  As Deb says, “what is once seen, can not be unseen.”  You said it, sister.

We found this hat stand a valiant effort, but it still misses:

Super Frilly WhatsisI am hoping that any hat that has the misfortune to perch here has a really long veil, or maybe a paper bag would be a good solution.  I think three fewer items from the stash bag, and it could have been a winner.

Alrighty, now for a huge confession.  We found something made out of polyester double knit that actually is attractive and works.  It’s not even a rag, or stuffing, or even a sling shot (OK, that last one is a stretch! Pun intended)  Check out this rag rug:

The proper use for polyesterSee, it’s kinda cool and when you look up close, sure enough, double knit:

Polyester rug close upEven rather hideous double knit at that, and yet the whole is rather pretty.  It actually felt soft enough, and you know it would wear like iron.  That stuff never wears out … ever!  Future archaeologists will find it in piles in the remnants of ’60s closets and have really weird ideas of our fashion sense for millennia to come.

Be sure and tune in next week, as we will be celebrating our fourth anniversary of flooding your computer screen with the best and worst of the thrift stores.  That always means a giveaway too, so make sure to stop by, and tell all your friends too!

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8 Responses to Friday Fabric Follies

  1. lyn lewis says:

    LoL for an avalanche yes, that scarf would be ideal!
    The picture is appallingly sad somehow. You have to wonder what the womans story really was when you see her eyes, there is real depression there. She may even have been a transvestite because to me, her eyes look masculine? If so then those lips would be a truly sad symbolism.
    Oddly enough Aggy at Green Issues blog ( from Singapore) once showed her Mum I think it was, or maybe her Nan, making rag rugs using, almost that technique.
    She cut half circles and folded them into a pointy triangle and then sticthed them in to place with an old hand Singer machine, so the points stuck up.
    That one you found looks like circles, folded in half and then stitched down so it raises ‘wings’ each side and would have probably been a natty make and mend design back in the 1940 or 50s

    • kathy & deb says:

      That picture really bothered us too and maybe that was why–her expression is so sad and then those big red smiling lips. We really liked the rug; I would have bought it if it matched anything in the house. I guess I could buy up all the appropriately colored polyester double knit in the thrift store and make one for myself. Thanks for reading Lyn!

  2. Wow… a bed of nails pillow. Even though a website is listed, I wonder if they are still in business? At first glance, I thought there were horrible, plastic daisies scattered across the pillow… but thinking about that…it doesn’t make the pillow any better.

    • kathy & deb says:

      Isn’t that weird? Imagine if you were a stomach sleeper–your cheek would be supporting your big old pumpkin head’s weight!

  3. Wrong, on SO many levels this morning…however, I would have bought those gloves and kept them in my car, putting them as driving gloves when I had a passenger. I like the rug, too…if nothing else, the dog would LOVE that one – seriously…it looks squishy and comfortable. I like the idea of the Bed of Nails Pillow for my husband! Happy Friday – keep up the good fight…love this blog!

    • kathy & deb says:

      We loved the gloves too! You would feel like a movie star driving around wearing them. I like how you want the comfy rug for the dog and the bed of nails for the hubby–you have your priorities straight! 😉 Thanks for joining in the fun!

  4. I think those pillows might have come from Target. They look like some pillows we had right after the holidays in my store. Needless to say, they all went salvage at my store. NO ONE wanted them.

    • kathy & deb says:

      Unless you were a Yogi or a masochist why would you want those pillows? They don’t look like accupressure, they look like torture! Target gets some weird stuff; I would hate to be the buyer in charge of that purchase. Thanks for reading!

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