What Did Clay Ever Do To You?

So, that is probably a rhetorical question, but we often need to ask it.  This week seemed to cough up even more than normal amount of bad ceramics projects.  As usual, we are hoping they all came from one home, so as not to become a major Superfund site.  Concentrated evil is so much easier to deal with.

As we innocently strolled the aisles of our favorite thrift store, we were blindsided by these:

Seventies Kitchen Cannister SetNot too sure where they were going with the faux wood grain, the fall leaves and the unnaturally-colored strawberries, but they should have put down the paint brush MUCH earlier.  So glad they taped the lids on; wouldn’t want them to get broken.  We are pretty sure the only reason they are still in one piece is due to the fact that they have been hidden very deep in a cupboard for many years.

After the first offense, we turned the corner to come upon this:

OMG there's more of them!What do you do with a plate covered in 3-D flowers?  Whatever you do with that one, maybe you could apply the same therapy to this one?

Blue Plate Ceramic projectHonest, those colors are pretty accurate.  We had to fiddle with the camera quite a bit, just to get it to register.  The little digital pixels in there were just refusing to arrange themselves in such a heinous pattern.  Now, do tell, were we right?  These had to come from the same living room wall.

We found yet another stack of ceramics a bit farther on, that also seemed to come from the same branch of the family tree:

Dear God, even more of the amateur ceramics projectsSurely it’s just too darn big of a coincidence to have that many bad ceramics plaques in one spot without some inside collusion.   Wonder which one was the final straw, causing the whole mess to be sent to the local thrift?

Now, this next one is not a do-it-yourself crime, and it teeters on the edge of being rather fabulous.  In fact, if it had been priced less, I might have had to drag the dang thing home:

Moore and Co Majolica bowlIt was marked Moore & Co, and was rather serious majolica, but the whole thing was a “little crabby”.  It also had a rather large crack in the bottom, which is fairly common for a majolica, but all in all was a deal breaker.  For all those who want us to run out and pick it up for them, be aware, over 99% of what we see one week is gone the next, go figure.

Just in case your eyes have recovered from the pottery madness, we now have a big old fashion don’t:

Welcome to day-glo theaterUnless you feel the need to hypnotize your date,  I would give it a pass.  It was even scarier up close, so make sure you sit across the restaurant from your loved one:

Close-up of day-glo outfitI’ve got to give the seamstress credit for matching patterns etc, but it still begs the question why?   Why the fabric originally, and who thought it would make a magnificent dress?  [Deb here:  Did anyone notice the placement of the diamond pattern on the bodice?  The wearer could never complain about her companion staring at her bosom with those targets sitting on top of them!]

Maybe this tiger got a gander at the dress, and became mesmerized:

Surprised stuff tigerHe looks really surprised by something.  Could be someone told him it really is the lion that is the king of beasts, or perhaps he is just getting a good yank on the old tail, or it really was the dress … or the pottery.

This last item was one of those times when we found one picture, and just knew there had to be another one.  Being the gluttons for punishment that we are, and for the sake of our loyal readers, we looked around till we found it.  Yep, two of ’em:

Elpec plastic pix from EnglandSuch charming gilded plastic pictures.  Genuinely made in England for the pleasure of your front hall, or better yet, the back of your darkest closet.  We may need to ask what plastic ever did to you, too.

Here’s to a New Year of more awful finds, and if you find anything horrific of your own, you know where to send the photos.

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10 Responses to What Did Clay Ever Do To You?

  1. My term for bad ceramics is “Vogon pottery”. 🙂

  2. I have to confess that my own mom had a set of hideous ceramic canisters with the faux wood grain. But instead of strawberries… it was mushrooms. I still haven’t figured out why there are so many ugly ceramic pieces made by large corporations? Wouldn’t they sell more if the pieces they made were actually beautiful?

    • kathy & deb says:

      I have to agree with the caveat that it takes taste and effort to make something beautiful. Obviously the vogon (see previous comment) ceramics community is somewhat deficient in one or both of those categories.

  3. Karen says:

    OK girls…go grab the Majolica bowl, very collectible and wanted by the coastal states, the hypnotizing outfit is great for Halloween!

    • kathy & deb says:

      It was gone this week–hopefully they shipped it back east and didn’t put it on a shelf at their juntique booth. We knew someone would want it, but that someone wasn’t us. If we were smart we would figure out the paypal stuff and get a little etsy shop going; we get a surprising number of emails from people who want to buy the bad things we photograph!

  4. Aside from the things you find being so unbelievably funny, you put it all together so well. I just about spat out my breakfast cereal when I saw the expression on the tiger’s face after the picture of the mesmerising dress! So funny.

    • kathy & deb says:

      Thanks Dani! We must confess that we do almost everything by the seat of our pants. 😉 We’re loving your vacation pics; the beach and sunshine looks lovely right now.

  5. Tina says:

    Eeehhhmmm, I kind of like the tea and coffee pot set… At least as they are looking on my screen. I think I might have taken them home with me for display in the kitchen??? And the crab bowl has something that makes me smile. Could imagine this one in my home, too…

    • kathy & deb says:

      We get that a lot–we’ll think something is not-so-great and then we get a comment from a reader that they loved that same thing! It’s all good and we’re glad that you found something that you liked! That crab bowl was great; we probably would have bought it without the huge crack in it.

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