O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!

O Christmas Tree!  O Christmas Tree!
Much pleasure thou can’st give me;

Sadly, the second verse of this beloved song has it totally wrong, as far as we are concerned.  We have found a whole forest of nasty Christmas trees over the last year, and of course, we want to share with you.

I’m not even sure what the plan was here:

Take your straw Christmas tree-shaped form and stick plastic fruit to it?  The lights and yellow bow DO NOT elevate the plastic fruit to Christmas status.  I think the plain, unadorned tree would have been more decorative, and cheaper to boot.  This effort might fall into the epic fail, Christmas tree division.

Speaking of epic fails:

Ceramic carollers and a birWhat do you think?  This ceramic project committed the capital crime of trying way too hard.  The blue carolers (are they cold?) are trimmed in gold (what’s wrong with white fur?) and sing to a blue Christmas tree infested with multi-hued birds.  The whole thing lights up too; hope it’s a 1000 watt bulb so I can be blinded before taking it all in.

Last spring a friend and I visited the local merchandise mart.  We hit a few of the Christmas stores to see some professionally decorated trees.  I wasn’t impressed as much as overwhelmed:

Christmas Tree overload  Christmas Tree overload merchandise mart

I know they are trying to sell ornaments, but more is not always better, unless we’re talking chocolate.  If there were an inch undecorated, we couldn’t find it.  You couldn’t even see the separate ornaments, let alone find the pickle.

I took a sneaky close-up, because we were being stalked by staff members trying to stop us from stealing their decorating ideas:

Christmas Tree overload close-upThe tree is so gaudy it would look more at home at Disneyland or Las Vegas than in an average person’s living room.

I’m not sure what kind of tree these wreaths were supposed to be made from:

White plastic wreathesWhite Pine, maybe.  I’m glad we don’t see these albino wreaths anymore; they are a particularly heinous waste of plastic.

I love Kathy’s caption for this picture:

Deer, Deer, NODeer, deer, no is how I feel too when looking at this.  I like wacky little reindeer, but this poor guy is balanced precariously on pine cones, and appears to have a sprig of white greenery coming out of his butt as well as other places.  Those problems shoot him right over wacky and into weird territory.

This sad little tree didn’t do anything to provide Christmas cheer:

Sad Charlie Brown Christmas Tree 
It’s sparse, and it’s not even a fir tree.  Those leaves look like my weeping fig tree leaves covered with a wee bit of snow.  I guess they could be holly leaves, but then why isn’t it a bush?  Another weird thing are the four piles of snow around the base; why wouldn’t you spread the snow around to look more natural?  I have lots of questions, but no answers.

Now that you’ve seen our Christmas tree don’ts, we hope you can find yourself a pleasurable tree and sing a round or two of O Christmas Tree without sarcasm.

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9 Responses to O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!

  1. Matty says:

    I just…no. AUGHHH…I don’t know what I would do if I ever encountered one of these trees in someone’s home. Oh, yes, I do – I’d take it outside and burn it in the name of good taste!

    • kathydeb says:

      Which just verifies YOUR good taste! Matty, I put a thank you for photoshopped Ugly Bunny in the wrong post–sorry! We laughed so hard when we saw it and just knew it belonged on the blog. Thank you again, you and santa bunny are awesome!

  2. Connie says:

    I believe I have an answer to the 4 distinct piles of snow under the last tree. Frankly… it is snow poop. I bet that tree was cooped up in a back room for years and now that it is finally on the display floor, it can’t help but relieve itself.

  3. Connie says:

    Oh… and the decorated trees at the merchandise mart scare me. You know that some well-intentioned buyer is going to order a tree decorated as is for the maximum impact on unwary shoppers. Then there will be some shopper who will look at the tree and say, “Wow! That is the best tree ever.” And that person will go home and try to replicate that tree out of craft projects: using the cheapest of plastics, straw, yarn, glitter, paint and plastic. And finally, the inevitable sad conclusion is that those ‘decorations’ will end up in thrift shops to terrify another generation of shoppers.

  4. tkarengold says:

    You really made me laugh today!

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