Not-So-Sweet Home on the Range

We have always been fascinated with architecture.  Probably because we have learned, over the years, that cool houses seem to have cool stuff.  Most of the time, anyway.  Couple that with the current house hunting we are involved in, and we are seeing some real winners.  This week, before getting into the usual flotsam, I wanted to share some true tales from the dark side.

Deb and I went to an estate sale at this home.  From the outside it looked pretty harmless, and upstairs wasn’t too bad, but then we ventured into the crypt, I mean the basement:

When in doubt cover those walls in contact paper, and if that is still not enough, just keep right on going till the ceiling is coated too.  I think they had no problem falling asleep, or at least into a hypnotic trance, anytime they entered this room.  Would have been a real hit with Mesmer.  By the way, did anyone notice the duct tape supporting the white electrical wire on the ceiling?

This next room was so funny.  People kept going in, and all we heard was “Oh my God!”  Then it was our turn:

What can you say?  “Oh my God!”  The entire room–floors, walls, ceiling, etc., was covered in shag-carpet do-it-yourself quilting.  I guess those thrifty remnants came in handy, but … words fail me.

These next two come from a house currently on the market, so if they really turn you on, the house is still available.  I have to admit this first room kinda did it for me:

Everyone needs a pub in the basement.  OK, the red carpet would need to go bye-bye, but the rest has a sort of a campy charm.  Sorry everything is so crowded.  They were getting ready for an estate sale here too, so any minute Deb and I will be back.

Now if the first room was fun, this next one absolutely HAS to go:

For real?  An outhouse in the basement?  Right down to the crescent moon carved on the door and a one seater?  I don’t care what anyone says; anyone who has EVER lived with an outhouse for any length of time, sees absolutely no charm in owning one ever again.  There was never a farm wife who ever wanted to give up her nice indoor plumbing and go back to the old days.

Keeping with the farm theme here, we have some animals that should have stayed down on the farm, or someplace else where not too many folks had to look at them.  This first one was absolutely terrifying:

Surely every child who came in contact with this had nightmares for the next five years.  To add insult to injury, it came in a form that was just a little too realistic for us:

Deb noticed an ironic similarity in the names Cow and Clown when she was uploading this.  Probably should have warned you all.  Beware of Bessie, she obviously has mad cow disease, or we do, from looking at her.

At least this next cow wasn’t a pitcher:

Not that I would have bought it, even it was were one.  It is just wrong on so many levels.  Farmer Brown’s not-so-bright cow:  held still too long and they painted geese on his side and put a weird hat on his head.

I am going to have to fess up to doctoring this shot a bit, but it was too good to pass up.  Green Eggs and Ham anyone?

Once we saw the egg vase, we had to find a pig.  Took about three seconds to come up with one too.

Well, now you have a house and some animals to put on the farm, you just need a welcoming wreath for the front door.  This isn’t it:

We are pretty sure why it is marked salvage.  Looks like some bundles of weeds that someone put in a box.  We throw this stuff on the compost pile.  Guess even Smith & Hawken can have a bad wreath day.  Hope someone didn’t pay a fortune for this.

Just to cheer you up after all that, we wanted to share this:

Deb and I are pretty sure we would look absolutely fantabulous riding around in this.  There was even a rumble seat for the summer intern.  For some reason our Hubbies don’t feel the need to rush out and buy this for us.  We are so abused.

Here’s hoping we didn’t abuse you too much this week.   Feel free to send us any photos of your house finds.  We love hearing from our readers.

P.S.  Deb here; we forgot to put a picture of these buttons in last week’s post:

The weird thing about them is:  why would anyone need 24 quarter-sized, blue-black plastic buttons?  How many coats would it take to use them all up?  Obviously no one knew what to do with them because they’re all here.

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6 Responses to Not-So-Sweet Home on the Range

  1. Judy Rae says:

    Smith & Hawkins is supposed to be kind of an upscale brand for Target. I work for Target & I have to be honest & say that most of the Smith & Hawken stuff is just bad. The materials used are weird. A year or two ago, there were some ornamental(?) decorations that were made out of anise plants. They smelled like black licorice, which is awesome if you like black licorice, but I thought they were horrible. Apparently everyone else did too, because all twelve of the ones that arrived in my store got salvaged out because no one would buy them, EVEN at 75% off. Yuck.

    • kathydeb says:

      We have to agree with you based on just this one example–yuck! Somehow we expected more from S&H.

  2. Matty says:

    I’m speechless…between the shag rug walls, the outhouse, and the Cow of Chucky…I’m gonna go weep til the cows come home…as long as they don’t look like the ones you found! LOL.

    • kathydeb says:

      Once again you demonstrate the excellence of your taste Matty–this post was chock full of horror!

  3. OMG! The house with the pub in the basement and the outhouse…I KNOW that house. A friend of mine (when I was in elementary school) used to live there. We had a slumber party in that pub room once. I’ve used that “outhouse” toilet (not as weird as you’d think, actually).

    I was sure someone would have redecorated it all by now (this was back in the ’70’s). Part of me is kind of glad they haven’t. I have a lot of happy memories of time I spent in that house. 🙂 But I’m sad to hear that they’re having an estate sale. 😦 (Not that the sale is bad, but sad that they need one.)

    And I’m amused to see that “green eggs and ham” finally made it to the page. That was a classic shot.

    • kathydeb says:

      Hey Shelia, what a small world it is! Hopefully the new owner of the house will keep the pub intact; it’s pretty fun!

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