Oh Holy Nightmare–Homemade Christmas Disasters

We have so much hand-made Christmas badness, that we have to split them into two posts.  What is it about Christmas that brings out the inner crafter in so many folks, even those without any discernible talent?  We are starting with fabric/yarn mayhem, and let the chips fall where they may.

Let’s just start with a lulu so you all know what you are up against:

Our first question is why make this at all, and if you’re going to do it, why turquoise?  Then we wonder who you’re trying to fool with yarn “snow” on top of this mess?  Really, it’s hard to quibble with the plastic beads and orange bows; the whole thing is so over the top that the decorations don’t register at first.

There are so many useful things to do with yarn–mittens, scarves, socks, sweaters, the list goes on and on.  Why would you waste perfectly good yarn making this?

It sort of lies there like cooked spaghetti, not an attractive appearance for any decoration.  Please, just crochet socks and mittens for needy kids; that’s a much better use of three skeins of yarn.

Well, if you have a yearning for more than yarn decorating your house, why not use this tablecloth on the dining room table?

I just had a weird thought–do we qualify as sado-masochists?  Masochists because we willingly go looking for this painful stuff; sadists because we inflict it on others.  Hmm … we might need to do a little soul-searching … yeah right!  Okay, back on track; this lovely tablecloth is made of polyester, which is further enhanced by gold metallic thread in the fabric and that edging.  The kindest thing we can say is:  it won’t easily stain, and if you need a drop cloth, it’s waterproof.

We do have a couple of examples of the ubiquitous Christmas figures–both knitted and crocheted, just in case crocheters think we are picking on them:

Gosh, we hope they are toilet paper holders; that would give their existence a useful purpose.

Even something as lovely as lace can be a part of crafts gone wrong:

These angel pins are backed with a lace/plastic bead wreath, and decorated with a pipe cleaner bow–gak!  Huge, ugly, and tacky–a triple threat.

Time to end with something that we thought was cute and well-done (although not too useful, we admit):

Not that we bought them, but if you wanted a homemade Santa, why not try this craft project using hurricane lamp globes and felt?

Well, so much for the fabric portion of homemade disasters.  Stay tuned for our regular post this Friday, and the next installation of Holiday Horrors.

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6 Responses to Oh Holy Nightmare–Homemade Christmas Disasters

  1. Alrunia says:

    I think the wreath is a scathing social commentary piece- maybe a statement criticizing consumerist culture, something like “thousands of Santas were assaulted and forcibly shaved to create this”.
    No I’m just making that up, it’s a weird/ugly wreath.

    • Second Hand Roses says:

      Sadly it is what it is. We wish the maker was trying to make some other statement than “I have no taste.”

  2. Terri Gold says:

    I took a few pics last week but can’t remember where to send them. Email me, please. I have a picture of a pair of pants that were really scary.

  3. Connie says:

    Okay… now you have done it. I can’t help, but stare at the polyester tablecloth. While I do like a nice argyle pattern, this one (mainly the fabric and color choice) is truly a car wreck. I keep hoping to find something nice to say about it, but all I can do is thank my lucky stars that the 70s is over.

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