Friday Finds with a Severe Clown Warning in the Forecast

I knew it was going to be an interesting week when I got this fortune in my fortune cookie:

Ain’t that the story of our lives?  This week proved no exception; there were plenty of terrible finds.  Those loyal readers with weak stomachs should note, there are not one, but three terrible clowns in this post–BEWARE!!

We were greeted by these fraternal twins while walking into the store:

Okay, we know they’re in the glass case to prevent some irate customer from hurling these abominations to the floor.  What we can’t understand is why glass artisans from Italy felt compelled to make these ugly things in the first place.  Personally, I was hoping that they were cheap knock-offs from China, but no such luck, they are Italian.  Recently, one of the clowns has migrated onto the regular shelves. I saw it amongst the Christmas decorations, if you can imagine–Ho Ho Ho.  Now someone needs to have an accident, as in “Oops, so sorry, I seem to have broken your clown”, and the world will be safe again.

Right after the clown incident, we saw a promising sleeve sticking out of the dress rack:

Oh Bridezilla, how could you do this to your friends?  Imagine our surprise while hanging it back on the rack, we saw this:

The first picture was the BACK of the dress; we’re sure because there were darts and a lower neckline on this side.  We don’t even want to contemplate the figure of someone who needs darts on the back of their dress.

We kind of like deconstructed clocks/watches as decorative items, but there was no helping this one: First off, we don’t think decoupage is necessarily the correct medium, and secondly there is just way too much going on here.  It reminded us of those jewelry Christmas tree pictures where the creator used wonderful vintage pins and earrings and a ton of glue.  It hurts to even look at it.

This little guy isn’t necessarily bad, in fact he is kind of cute.  We feel that he could go with the carved wooden spoon we had in the blog a couple of weeks ago:

Kind of a Town and Country sort of pairing, or are we reaching here?

We were surprised by this abuse of shells.  We thought we had seen it all–we were wrong:


After looking at this mess of shells and beads, the question that is running through my mind is about the cleavage button.  Why use a classical-looking profile as decoration?  Take our advice:  if you want to wear something fun on your tropical vacation, try coconuts and leave the poor shells alone!

While we think this next find is pretty funny,

We feel compelled to point out that this saint looks suspiciously like Jesus, and not St. Otto (St. Auto?) as claimed by the makers, but the prayer is pretty funny, “St. Otto, assist me in my parallel parking skills, protect me from parking tickets and fines”.  Who doesn’t need that kind of help?

We headed off to another thrift store (the scary one), and weren’t disappointed to see this sight:

Of course we couldn’t just leave it there; this required some investigation on our part, namely bending over and taking a look:

Immediately our thought was “why can’t we just walk away, why do we always have to look?”   We aren’t sure what happened to her clothes; there wasn’t a sign of them, and they would have been hard to miss being fluorescent pink!  Personally, we would rather look at naked toilet paper than have one of these dolls in the bathroom.  Obviously, the crafter disagreed with us:

You might wonder why the clown is in a bag?  It could be that clowns are like zombies, and the condition is communicable; quarantine is the right move to prevent a plague of clowns.  It’s always better to be safe than sorry (thanks Mom!)

From far away, this lamp could have been ok:

If you couldn’t see the base, that is.  Like Kathy says, “it has one of everything but taste.”  Sheesh, just put a regular base on the shade; or if you must, put a plain shade on that base.  Together, they are a horror show.

Since I did an ambush True Confession on Kathy last week, I’ll ‘fess up to some purchases of my own.

I just cannot leave abandoned kids at a thrift store:

We loved the poses. They are really unusual for kid’s portraits of this vintage.  I’ll have to make up a name for this little boy, and adopt him as a long-lost great-uncle.

Anyone who has read our blog ever won’t be surprised by this next purchase:

It was a no-brainer that this pattern would come home with one of us.

Finally, these little things are like a plague of locusts at my house:

Yes, I mean both doggy figures and handkerchiefs.  They are like crack cocaine to me; I vow to leave them alone, and yet there I go again!

Here’s wishing you a lucky week of shopping.  Be sure to check in next week for our Thanksgiving post, and our musings on Black Friday.

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8 Responses to Friday Finds with a Severe Clown Warning in the Forecast

  1. Alrunia says:

    Looking closer at the vintage portrait I can’t shake the feeling that something’s not quiiite right there. I mean I can definitely see why you’d get it as it’s visually interesting, unusual.. and yet.. the kid’s lucid posing and expressions, his somewhat odd proportions (long feet for a toddler, for instance).. he looks kind of like he could be, you know, a little person. Posing as a child for the photographs. Crazier stuff has happened in the vintage photography field. Or maybe that’s just me being weird, sorry for introducing that mental image 😀

    • Second Hand Roses says:

      Giving a whole new meaning to “Mother’s little man” huh? He does have big hands and big feet; wonder if that means the same thing as it does with puppies? ;- ) Don’t worry about introducing “weird” ideas–we are full of them!

  2. Terri Gold says:

    This is one of your funniest posts yet! Regarding the child photography – you are so right. The poses are very modern and sophisticated for older photography.
    Did I tell you I now hate clowns? It’s your fault.

    • Second Hand Roses says:

      Thanks for the compliment–we aim to please! Welcome to clown haters anonymous–we should design downloadable cards or pins for our brethren to use for ID, although that might screw up the anonymous part. ;- )

  3. Connie says:

    Okay…. I have to confess, my own flesh and blood used to craft the toilet paper cover (it was Grandma!). Though the ones she crafted also involved copious amounts of sequins (since the overall concept wasn’t tacky enough on its own). It used to make me feel self conscience having this doll stare at me while I was doing my business when visiting Grandma.

    • Second Hand Roses says:

      Good point about using a toilet under the eyes of a TP doll! We also dislike that TV ad where visitors make fun of a home owner because his “rolls” are naked!!!

  4. Connie says:

    Yikes.. glass clowns! My ex-mother-in-law brought one out to my house quite some time ago (I was still married to her son at the time). She proudly took it out of the original box (it had been a wedding present to them some 30 years earlier) and offered it up as decor for the house… even suggesting that it take a place of honor on the mantel. Not only was I horrified at having to spend the rest of my marriage with this ghastly creation, but it dawned on me that this clown had not seen the light of day in her own house! Thankfully, her son spoke up and not-so-politely suggested that it go back into the box and make the trip back to the midwest. Whew! Crisis averted. Hey, wait a minute. The one clown looks awfully (and I do mean AWFULLY) familiar.

    • Second Hand Roses says:

      Hmmm… wonder if your ex ended up with the clown and immediately donated it to Goodwill! He could have just broken it and saved us all the trauma of seeing it in the case!

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